Being a dating coach means occasionally butting heads with other coaches.
Not directly – I get along with almost everyone in the dating and relationship space and am not too proud to say that I’ve learned a lot from interacting with them.
But through my clients. For example, one of my clients hired another coach while I was in prison. Very understandable. It wasn’t like I was going to be using my one call a day to coach him, and I’m glad he was so ready to push forward in his dating life.
When I was released and we could start working together again, there was a bit of an awkward situation.
I don’t know the other coach, but the advice he was giving was way more hardline than what I was saying.
In one situation, a woman had to reschedule their date for what sounded like a fair reason, and my client was suddenly getting conflicting advice.
The other coach’s advice? “SHE IS GONE NOW.”
I get the sentiment of “if she cancels, you next her. No exceptions.” I’m not advocating for being a doormat. But this sounded different.
She was sweet about it and offered multiple alternative dates and times. It was a first or second date and she wasn’t being flakey… she just had a legitimate reason to move the date.
So I told my client to take it at face value and reschedule.
I get where the need for hardline rules comes from. Many men have been burned by women who string them along with endless rescheduling. The “next her immediately” rule protects you from getting played.
But here’s the thing about rigid rules in dating: they’re training wheels. They help beginners avoid disasters, but they can also prevent you from developing real calibration.
I don’t want to relitigate the red pill debate, but this is my main issue with the recommendations that group makes. There is a lot more to dating than following commandments to the “T” and being a man isn’t dependent on being unyielding in every message.
Nor is that a good attitude for dating. Courtship is supposed to be fun. Not an intense negotiation where bitterness and rudeness pop up as soon as you don’t get your way.
This woman showed genuine interest in rescheduling. She offered specific times. Her communication was warm and apologetic. These are signs of authentic interest that my client would have missed if he’d followed the “one strike” rule.
The difference comes down to what you want.
If you’re looking to date casually and maintain a rotation of women, then yes – maybe you next anyone who inconveniences you. Time is valuable, and there are plenty of other options.
My client wanted a relationship with a high-quality woman. And high-quality women sometimes have legitimate reasons to reschedule. They have jobs, family obligations, and full lives. Being understanding of that – while still maintaining strong boundaries – is crucial for building something real.
Generic rules can only take you so far. If you want hardline advice, you could stick to reading tweets and watching videos, and save yourself a lot of money. I give nuanced feedback and advice because I know there is more to a situation than the 2 or 3 details I’ve heard about it. My conclusions come from what I know about the client and what I’ve learned from thousands of hours of coaching other clients.
I mean no disrespect to other coaches. Different approaches work for different goals. But if you’re following advice that doesn’t align with your desired outcome, it’s time to reassess.
At some point, you need someone who can help you read situations with nuance, who understands what YOU want, and can guide you accordingly.
That’s what I do. And that’s why 300+ men have come to me for one-on-one help getting the relationship with women that they desire:
www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
