New clients are generally terrified to share with me. Most of the time, it’s stuff they’ve never said out loud before and now they’re telling a stranger, often within 15 minutes of us first speaking.
Talking about sex, relationships, and problems with women is something society has conditioned us into thinking is taboo. And now they are expected to share it all with me when they would be too embarrassed to tell their best friends about it.
One of my hidden skills is making people comfortable enough to open up with me. It’s the only way they’re going to solve the problem and improve.
Of course, it helps that I put such a special emphasis on confidentiality.
I rarely share client stories, and never share details that might identify them – even though that would make marketing way easier. Anything explicit is always shared with a client’s permission. Your secrets are safe with me and I’m not going to sacrifice that trust for the sake of a banger email or tweet.
I’ve worked with hotshots worth 8- or even 9-figures who are paying for discretion as much as they are paying for advice. It would be shortsighted for me to blab just for a little bit of clout and engagement.
Much like a therapist, client details are kept in the strictest confidence.
But there’s a second layer of trust that is even more important:
I don’t judge you.
Besides a few amazing exceptions, most therapists are judging you for not being as liberal, open-minded, or self-sacrificing as them. They have their preconceived notions about how a man should act or think, and will judge you for not being like that.
I can’t relate to this unprofessionalism. I have worked with clients from all races, ages, faiths, politics, and circumstances. I have worked with guys who are looking to enjoy single life, guys looking for a wife, guys looking to save or transform their marriages, and guys in bespoke situations where multiple women are involved and they don’t know how to navigate it. I don’t shame them for their problems, I solve them.
That doesn’t mean my clients’ objectives are always one’s I’m enthusiastic about or can relate to. But so long as they do not want to use or harm anyone – so long as they are attempting to operate with integrity, and to treat the women they’re involved with in a humane way – I orient my mind towards my clients’ goals and help them to reach them. I do not force my own values and beliefs on my clients. I want them to succeed on the path they’re meant to follow. And that path is often not my own.
In my decade in business, I have seen the full tapestry of the male experience. I’ve worked with guys whose women have had abortions, who’ve had affairs, who’ve been sexually abused, who’ve had extreme porn addictions, who’ve been unable to perform in bed. I’ve heard every humiliation and disgrace a man could possibly endure, things men despise about themselves, and can barely vocalize. Which is why it variably surprises them to see me shrug when I hear their confessions. Their skeletons are nothing new to me. After all, I have told countless stories about my past, my mistakes, and how I’ve evolved. I know what it’s like to not be perfect. Why would I judge you for making mistakes or being in a different stage of life?
There is NOTHING you could say that would shock me.
I am telling you all this, because if you want to heal, you need to be able to share with me and trust that I’m not thinking “what a f*cking loser” or “that’s a crappy thing to say to a woman.”
I can always tell when I hop on the phone with a guy who isn’t actually ready for this. He doesn’t want to get too specific and instead speaks in vague notions that make it impossible for me to diagnose and fix the situation.
That’s one of the biggest barriers between me and helping men get to success. And it’s why I don’t rush anyone into coaching.
I want you to be 100% ready to tell me the ugly details of how you treated your ex or what thoughts are coming up in your head when you talk to this new girl, because if you don’t…
You won’t improve.
So even if you’re not ready today, you’ll be ready someday to work with me. And when you are, I’ll be here to serve you and help you get the relationship you deserve:
www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
