As you guys know, I rarely make statements without proper nuance and context.
But gonna pretty much make an exception today.
Because the rate of failure of relationships with women like these approaches 100%.
Which women am I talking about?
I won’t leave you in suspense:
Women who were recently cheated on / broken up with by an ex who was an “asshole” to her… yet are still in contact.
The reason for this of course is simple…
Even if the girl left the guy after his cheating, she’s emotionally still connected to him. Indeed — because he treated her badly, and she still has contact (however small), she in fact is still attracted to him.
Why, you might ask?
This is where things get interesting. Because while a girl being in contact with her ex is never a good thing… there is something about being in touch with an “abusive ex” that is different. There’s a reason this dynamic goes from “likely bad” to “100% a mistake.”
Because a girl in contact with a guy who used to treat her badly means she has been “sexually imprinted.”
This guy she used to see turned her on. She was very attracted to him.
But he “fucked up.” Saw other women behind her back, or dumped her for some new girl. She was forced one way or another to end the relationship before she was ready.
And so, while she might “move on” to you technically… emotionally she’s still a bit taken in by her ex.
Which means that the chances of her cheating on you or leaving you for him (or someone else) in the future approaches 100%.
In other words, you are a rebound with these girls — someone who provides her comfort — while her ex offers desire.
It’s a dangerous situation to be in. Because your situation is precarious, and totally out of your control.
That guy comes back into the picture, and she’s bouncing (or hitting him up on the sly).
And even if he doesn’t… she may start to look for another guy who “meets similar criteria” as him.
Point is…
Don’t try to rescue “abused women.” Because very often they lover their “abusers.”
All this said:
I am NOT saying every woman who has been with an asshole has been “alpha widowed” like this. Many women get out of these situations and never look back. They will never date men like this again and will dismiss you offhand if you try to LARP as some asshole alpha.
But the key phrase here is “never look back.”
Because when that thread isn’t cut…… she can and WILL return to it.
Seen this first hand with one client, whose wife split from their relationship and jumped back to her shithead ex-husband the moment he left his girlfriend.
And seen the warning signs with another, whose girlfriend is still in touch with such an ex, and doesn’t want my client to join her on a visit to the town where he lives.
The good news?
Because these guys were working with me, the former was psychologically and legally prepared for the “sudden” divorce, and the latter avoided moving in with a girl who was about to backstab him.
Pretty good, no? Makes you wonder why “regular guys” don’t want this kind of advantage.
“Well maybe but it’s pretty expensive…”
Your ENERGY and TIME are expensive. Or at least they are to smart people.
Coaching is an investment not a cost. You ALWAYS make more money when you preserve the above.
But it’s your life, and up to you to decide.
You can apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS Check out my new video, subscribe and LIKE the episode: Frame, Fantasies and Pavlovian Principles – Dating and Relationships #16
