As you probably saw, the other day my friend Alexander Cortes courted a bit of controversy due to an “edgy” list about “how to be a beautiful woman.”
The list went viral, and he not only ended up on the usual clickbait websites, but on the morning news… in none other than my home city of Philadelphia.
Now, as you can see, the women are making some faces and negative comments when reading Alexander’s list.
But the guy is the most aggressive of all.
A couple of things he says about Alexander:
“he is a beautiful woman… I mean man”
“he says women should shave even though he doesn’t” (paraphrased)
“he’s a tool, he’s a dork, he’s a dolt”
But it’s not really so much what the guy says (although I’ve seen him on TV for years, and this was quite aggressive for him)… but what his body language reveals.
Throughout the segment, this anchor — in contrast to the two women on camera — looks more than agitated… he looks unhinged.
Now, I’m certain the women didn’t “agree” with Alexander’s post.
And I’m sure if he was there, they’d have grilled and tested him.
But if they were at a bar, having a drink, I don’t think it would have been all that difficult for Alex to turn those complaints into sexual attraction.
The women are more surprised at his audacity than actually annoyed at him.
It’s little different than a guy “being an asshole” (and you know how that ends, especially when you’re not actually an asshole like Alexander).
The man, on the other hand, is VERY annoyed. His eyes are darting side to side, face keeps shifting expressions.
But I don’t think it’s as simple as him being a white knight… though that’s certainly true.
It’s that this guy feels trapped.
You see, most people today think that with fame comes power.
But often this isn’t the case.
The people who “made you” are the people who own you.
And so when I see this anchor, I don’t see an “asleep” “beta”…
I see a guy who wishes he could speak out, and who wishes he could have women in his life who would act this way for him.
A guy who wishes he didn’t have to keep up a narrative on television.
And a guy who feels even more constrained and humiliated when the women seem less angry about the comments than he does.
His eyes dart around for approval. He’s a snake — he doesn’t want to be outed.
And he’s a jealous snake, because he knows his faustian bargain means he’ll never have the freedom of Alexander.
Now, all this said… while I do agree with Alexander’s list, more or less, it’s hardly comprehensive… and is designed to provoke more than persuade.
I’m sure as a result, many women who otherwise act this way were offended by the post.
Which is funny on multiple levels.Because if you read that post, you’d think Alexander was a chauvinist who tries to control women.
When in truth, he’s anything but.Women do these things for him naturally. And I’ve never seen him on a personal level insult a woman — he’s almost always encouraging them.
Which is really what I want to emphasize the most in this email.
While it’s fun to throw red meat to the crazy people, and get attention (indeed, if you’re self-employed and anti-fragile, this is guerrilla marketing you couldn’t pay for)
When it comes to changing women, praise works better than criticism.
This doesn’t mean that you should never express your opinion on what they’re doing wrong.
Far from it.
But women FEEL negative statements about their self-worth and attractiveness viscerally.
And unhappy women struggle to show up with unconditional femininity when they feel like crap about themselves.
Understand: you can get some women to act feminine out of fear. But real intimacy with these women is impossible, since their behavior is transactional.
If you want something deeper, you need to build them up.
Make them WANT to be feminine because it affirms THEM.
Which is why it’s better to compliment what they do right, and when discussing what they’re doing wrong… discuss it indirectly (ex: “other women are doing X wrong”)
Otherwise, while you might encourage them to become feminine…… you won’t encourage them to do it for you.
That said, these waters can be tough for men to navigate.
If you’re in a relationship, sometimes you’ll need to push your woman… other times pull.
Bringing a relationship from dysfunctional or average to amazing takes patience… but also careful action. Each mistake you make can wash away all the progress of the prior months…
Which is why, if you’re serious about saving or even just improving your relationship.
You should reach out to me.
Unfortunately, most wait until the end… when there’s usually not much to be done but prepare for the future.
But if you start addressing things before the situation gets critical?
Like cancer that’s caught early, I can excise the tumor.
Apply here if you want life-changing surgery: www.patstedman.com/application