Almost every guy out there has at one point found himself enamored with a woman.

So as one of those men, I’m sure you’ve said something like this before (or at least heard it from other guys):

“She’s different than other girls”

“She cares about me in ways no other woman does”

“We really get each other on a deep level”

“I trust her more than anybody else I’ve ever dated”

“We’re soul mates”

Yet is that really true?

Look, you WILL have more chemistry with some women than others. That is indisputable. Give that girl solid girl game, and I understand — your logical circuits might as well be fried. You’re lost in the sauce.

Which is why it is important to get PERSPECTIVE and not go full-infatuation.

My “romance” story is one women and men alike tend to light up over. I met my wife at a wedding across the world I knew nobody at yet spontaneously decided to go to for a weekend. Over the course of a year we little by little dated our way to exclusivity by traveling around the world on passion-filled excursions. Embellish a few details here and there, and it could easily be made into a romantic comedy.

But what makes my wife and I work isn’t our “story” — which don’t lie to yourself, is EXACTLY what all of the quotes above are trying to construct. In fact, the story is if anything else a hindrance — it puts pressure on us to live up to some sort of ideal.

We don’t work because we’re “soul mates,” we work because we have *shared values* and *boundaries.*

Sure, we have chemistry. A LOT of it (sometimes it’s hard to remember, you get so used to it).

But consistently whenever we idealize each other our relationship suffers…. because idealization and expectations go hand in hand. And when someone falls short of your expectations, you get resentful — which poisons the relationship.

Sometimes — like in our case — you learn to love who is ACTUALLY there — and your bond because stronger because of it. 

Sometimes you don’t.

The first year out of the honeymoon phase is a brutal one. In real time, you watch this person you had put on a pedestal — this “different” girl — become a human being… with flaws, blemishes and issues. 

And you watch her as she begins to realize you’re the same.

This is reality, guys.

If you have some girl on an elevated plane, check yourself before you wreck yourself… and I mean that quite literally.

If she’s treating you BADLY and you’re thinking these things, you NEED to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if she is behaving even *slightly* like you had imagined her.

Because chances are, she’s not. And you have NO idea who the person you “love” (read: lust) actually is.

Let go, and don’t grieve their loss. 

There is no perfect person.

There is not even a perfect person for you.

Some are better than others, but assessing that is as much how much they turn you on as well as how you *actually* work together.

Life is too short to fall for false idols.

Treat people as they treat you — and most importantly — as they ARE, not as you wish they would be. Build consciously, not impulsively.

That’s how you have good relationships. And that’s how you build bonds that last.


PS If you liked this article, you’ll love this one. Expectations aren’t just applied to other people — they’re applied to ourselves. And are just as dangerous, if not worse.

PPS This mindset is as important to real world dating as it is in texting. Which is why Tackling Texting covers it in detail. It’s out next week. Are you ready? Shoot me a message if you’re interested!

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