First I want to start this email with a bit of gratitude.
Even though things have gotten more absurd and toxic these past few years as the manosphere has become more mainstreamed, I STILL believe this community is fundamentally a positive place. It speaks to the dark realities of female behavior, and gives a voice to men who are hurting and have been lied to by society.
Does it understand women comprehensively? No. It focuses far too much on the feral feminine, neglecting the transcendent. But by drawing attention to female bad behavior, it at least prevents society from pretending it doesn’t exist.
Yet where the manosphere is woefully incapable is not when it comes to understanding women, but understanding men themselves.
I see LARPfest stuff about “ideal women” every day, regurgitated by increasingly large numbers idiots who themselves are too afraid to actually date women. It frankly is making me want to tear my eyeballs out.
These men do not actually understand what they want. They do not understand themselves anymore than the women who are blind to their impulse toward the “bad boy.” Your typical manospherian will laugh at the girl who says she is just wants a “nice guy,” meanwhile he retweets some meme about “just wanting a nice feminine girl who takes care of herself and will have sex”
I have some news for you. Men do not want that at all.
Or at least, it is not what drives their desire when it comes to women.
What drives man’s desire is crazy. It is the aspect of a woman that is unpredictable and to a certain extent untamable. It is her fickleness, her foolishness, her fire.
Men don’t want to admit they want this, because admitting it would mean acknowledging they are not quite as rational as they like to imagine themselves. After all, does it really make sense to chase after a crazy woman?
Yet “logical” men find themselves doing this all the time. The irony is simply that they invariably call the woman crazy, rather than consider what it says about a man who spent the last few years obsessed with being around it.
Surprisingly, these “red pill” guys have a hard time accepting this about themselves.
They have absolutely no problem (correctly) psychoanalyzing women and their unconscious draw towards assholes and bad boys. They push back against the female delusion that “all they want is a nice guy who will treat them well.” Yet they maintain their own pretty little lies about their own desires.
Here is the reality.
I have worked with give or take 300 men in a paid, 1-1 basis since I started this business in January 2015.
I have seen what guys say they want and who they are ACTUALLY attracted to.
And many men are attracted to some FUCKED UP women.
Now, you might say that this is a product of their own dysfunction. And you would be somewhat right.
But the dysfunction is not that they are attracted to challenging women, it’s that they fall into the clutches of toxic ones. In other words, they go for women who are desirable but not balanced / integrated – women who are ultimately energy draining.
This is more or less the same as a woman who dates a bad boy player: it might be exciting, but it is ultimately incredibly emotionally destructive and painful.
We work through these patterns, so said guy rids himself of the conflation between “toxic crazy” and “healthy crazy.”
But this DOESN’T mean these guys end up suddenly just desiring a pretty “good girl” who cooks, cleans, is sweet, sexually available, etc.
I’ve seen more times than I can recall a client who meets one of these girls and despite her being perfect, he CAN’T STAY WITH HER.
He is bored out of his mind, and ends up being fairly critical towards out of resentment, and in hopes that maybe she’ll stimulate him in some way. Or he cheats.
Because these “trad traits” we all love are comfort aspects of attraction for men, not desire.
Now, that DOESN’T mean they aren’t important, or that you shouldn’t look for them in a woman. They are vital just as you being a good provider, and being kind, gentlemanly, reliable is for women. They provide necessary comfort, which amplifies your desirability and makes you long-term material.
The point is simply that they are NOT what makes you inherently desire a woman. They might expand the attraction, but they do not create the feeling; they are not the spark.
(That is how the comfort-desire axis works; see my book The 3 Pillars of Attraction on Amazon for more details)
Now I know the biggest pushback guys are going to have to this is sex. Is it really true that sexual availability is more about comfort than desire?
Unequivocally I say yes — though with a caveat.
Sex from women is like money from men.
It functions predominantly as comfort, because sex is a HUGE source of validation for men. Even aside from the fact that men generally have greater sex drives than women (and need it more), it is one of the largest ways men feel connected to and taken care of by their woman.
But as I outlined in my email last week, money can create desire when you have a certain amount of it. Because then you can manifest whatever a woman desires. In other words, money becomes power.
And so it is with sex.
Some women have a real sexual instinct and ability. They aren’t simply available or enthusiastic, they are virtuosos. They are tapped into their whore energy, and able to fulfill the man’s deepest fantasies.
These women do not simply offer sex as comfort. What they have is distinct, it is instinct, and not easily replaceable.
Indeed, these are the kind of women who often RUIN men. Because they understand men better than they understand themselves.
Which is WHY I am so adamant about recommending my masterclass to men.
Because yes, it will teach you everything you need to know about attracting and keeping a great girl. And yes, it will teach you about how women work.
But it will also teach you about YOURSELF.
You will understand your own mind, how YOU work, and how to work with your psychology to succeed with women (rather than let it to work against you, which is the unconscious way most men operate).
Buy the 18+ hour course here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page