I was recently linked me to this guy’s dating profile and asked to write an email about his attempt to find a wife:

To a certain extent I’m actually at a loss about what to say. I don’t have an issue with matchmaking — which you might say is the same as what this guy is requesting. But the way he’s gone about it is so cringe.

He has a common “tech mindset” where you’re simultaneously obsessed with “finding meaning” yet everything you do is quantified and measured (no offense to my tech bros in the audience!). He has structured finding his wife like he is buying a company, with an interest rate for length of relationship plus incentive bonuses.

If any girl saw this her pussy would dry up immediately. Indeed, it belies Cody’s fundamental problem with women: he’s wayyyy too much in his head, and struggles to connect with them emotionally.

He’s also lying to himself, as you can see from this last bit:

“And to my bros who are suggesting game, believe me, I am well versed in game. But I am not interested in gaming a girl for the next 40 years. I want her to love the real me.”

Cody is not well versed in game because his profile is the antithesis of game. In fact, Cody does not seem to understand what game actually is.

Game is not about concealing the real you, just like authenticity is not listing your positive and negative traits out there like a spreadsheet. Game is not facts, it’s fun. When he says “I’m not interested in gaming a girl for the next 40 years,” he may imagine that means playing games with her. But what it really means is he wants to cut to the chase and avoid the romantic tension. He wants to skip the story and jump right to the ending — to read the book’s summary, rather than go through the drama in the pages. He wants a “logical” relationship rather than one that creates any emotion or excitement in a woman. No wonder the only girls he is attracting are ones who do nothing for him.

The tragic irony of this is that Cody has a wide range of hobbies and interests. He’s smart and curious about the world. He is handsome, and probably an interesting guy in real life. He sounds like he is.

But he doesn’t feel interesting. He feels boring. And that is what bad game does. It makes even exceptional guys unattractive to women.

I could tear apart Cody’s dating profile line by line, but if Cody’s willing to spend 20k+ to meet a woman, he can more than afford to pay me for the pleasure.

So instead I will give two big, clear pieces of advice to him and every other guy here who has also struggled with their dating profile:

1) SHOW don’t tell

2) Leave something up to the imagination

Throughout this profile he is telling potential women exactly who he is. These are facts that don’t generate any feelings.

A small snippet

Rather than say “I’m funny. I can consistently make everyone in my life laugh” why not… actually say something funny? Why not convey you have a sense of humor implicitly by making her laugh, rather than telling her that you make people laugh? His subcommunication undermines what he is claiming.

Finally, do not reveal everything about yourself… certainly not directly. If you want to convey insight, don’t talk about your epistemology of existence, just simply mention a book you’ve read that reflects it. And then mention a completely different book that is far less serious, so she doesn’t know how to peg you. Create some mystery, let her use her imagination about who you might be.

Cody, you seem like a good guy, and I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings too much with this blunt review. But you needed the truth.

Work with me and I will show you how to attract the girl of your dreams for a fraction of what you’re willing to pay someone to find her for you. Yes, you will have to show up and put in effort with me, but that’s the only way you’ll keep her anyway.

And those of you who perhaps saw too much of yourself in Cody, and have also been struggling to attract the right women despite having looks, money, and brains?

You are an ideal client. Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat

PS Check out testimonials here and on twitter