A lot of people doom-posting about a viral tweet regarding a girl’s online dating sexual history:
Frankly, I understand why. When you see stats like that, it can make you lose hope in being able to find a quality woman. Extrapolate that half year outwards, and you are looking at a girl with hundreds of sexual partners. Even if notch-count isn’t your biggest fixation, no self-respecting man wants to wife up a woman that run through.
So what to do? Well, I have good news and bad news for you.
The bad news first:
Yes, this is unfortunately not-uncommon. Lots of women especially in big cities rack up these kind of numbers. And the ability to do this at such a scale is directly related to the ease and anonymity of online dating.
But this is connected to the good news:
The women who are racking up these kind of numbers are generally not the most attractive women.
Online dating does make it easier for women to have casual hook ups. But to be more precise, what online dating does most effectively is allow average looking girls to hook up with guys out of their league. The girls with the highest numbers are the 5s and 6s… cute enough for guys to sleep with, not cute enough for them to want to see further. Which is why these girls put out: they know a guy who is an 8 or a 9 isn’t going to commit. So they take the one night stand with him, which is the best they can get.
This is a great example of why online dating is broken, and why most decent guys get passed over (and should look to meet girls elsewhere). Average girls prefer to pair up with top-tier “exciting” guys for transient flings, because why not accept the best match you can get? Meanwhile, the most attractive women are rarely online at all: they are either already taken, or have quality options through real life circles and instagram. They have no reason to be promiscuous, as they can easily get the commitment of top-tier men. The few that do go online, get swooped up relatively quickly.
Understand: Women want a quality man’s attention. And sex is their “nuclear option” to get it if all else fails. For average looking girls, it is a button they must press regularly to get attractive guys to focus on them. But hot girls get plenty of attention without ever needing to resort to sex.
Which is why the more attractive the girl, the less of a slut she is likely to be. The only exceptions to this are women who have had past sexual trauma, in which case totally different motivations are at play.
This is not to say that all “mid” girls are sluts, mind you. Many have strong values, and don’t go for guys just looking for sex. These women usually find apps frustrating, and go off of them entirely after a bad date or two. If they put out too early and get ditched, they don’t make the same mistake. They tend to have as many frustrations with dating as you.
But for average-looking girls with less scruples, new sexual partners are their gateway to validation; they can tell themselves they are sexually valuable because a bunch of hot guys saw fit to put their penis in them.
The point of all of this is simple.
First, don’t be so worried, as I’m sure most of you are aiming for more attractive girls anyway.
But second, understand that you are going to disproportionately meet the most banged-up (literally) girls on apps, not in real life.
Because it’s on apps that these women are able to get the most efficient access to guys out of their league who will sleep with them.
That doesn’t mean there is no value in going on apps, or that you can’t find a good girl on them. They still exist… even now.
But I would tell you that if you are willing to outsource your love life to an algorithm that makes money from you being romantically frustrated… perhaps don’t complain about getting bad results.
The reality is we get the results we are prepared to accept.
Most guys today are victims, and too lazy to seek success in anything. They settle for scraps and complain about what they get. Dating is no different.
Meanwhile the guys who succeed with women, and manage to capture the heart(s) of high-quality women?
They had the humility to face their fears, and put the work in.
And the ones who were stuck — rather than bang their head against the wall — decided to seek help.
Which is why if your mantra is “why bother, all women today are sluts” — you are a loser, and you can shove your excuses up your ass.
Quality women are out there, waiting for the right men to claim them.
If you don’t know how to get them, guidance is available for those committed to change.
You can apply to get it here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
