Saw something amusing on the timeline this morning:

I know everybody’s eyes are probably wide right now thinking about the number of sexual partners this woman just added to her roster in a short amount of time.

However I’m actually going to go a little easy on her. Because while I’d be naive to suggest none of these dates led to sex (we don’t know if they were all first dates, or not)… I actually don’t suspect most of them did.

First, the woman posting says her friend was looking for a “life partner” — and while you can’t take this too much at face value… this isn’t your divorced slut bragging on the dailymail / NY post about how many guys she slept with off Tinder.

And assuming the poster and her friend are of a similar age with similar politics (the woman is on the moderate side politically, not a feminist at any rate), it seems plausible that she was simply taking a “business approach” to dating — “interviewing” pretty much every guy who was decent on paper for the job, but filtering 9/10 out after the first date.

But the reason I even mention this tweet is because it underlines a common assumption guys have as well…

Is it automatic that the more you date, the more results you’ll have?

In fact, not necessarily.

Don’t get me wrong: if you want to meet a beautiful, high-character woman but you’re not dating… you need to get out there. No action means no results.

But nevertheless, it is possible to overdo it.

Dating — if you are doing it in any meaningful way — demands a level of emotional availability.

You need to have a level of excitement and anticipation, and you need to have a level of openness. It’s genuine engagement that allows connection.

If you’re going out every few days with a new person, however, you are either going to a) get burned out and quit or b) close off emotionally, and run a “script”

My suspicion with this woman is that she is a single, high-powered business woman, applying her same “work ethic” and “outcome focus” from entrepreneurship to dating. Yet the result is clearly poor: she has been on 5-6 dates a week for 2.5 months and still hasn’t found someone. Because she’s “checking boxes” on dates and putting pressure on them: it’s all “head” energy, it’s stale, there isn’t any real openness or connection. She is doing it wrong, and for the most part, the guys’ she’s dated haven’t snapped her out of it; they’ve mirrored this “logical, interview-esq”energy back at her.

Less means more when it comes to connecting on a human level. To make a life-long lover (and friend) you need to go deeper than broader.

And that means choosing more carefully even from the outset.

Personally I think anything more than 2-3 *new* dates week after week guarantees you’re going to start closing off emotionally. Probably 1-2 is a more accurate maximum. Especially as over time if you continue this, the rest of your life will starts to fall by the wayside; it stops being a novelty, it’s a job.

If your goal is hook ups, of course, this doesn’t matter much. If you have enough experience, you know which of your “routines” work, and you can essentially run dates on auto-pilot. The anticipation of a “new conquest” keeps you going (for a time, at least).

But even if you’re charming and your game “works,” you are likely to close off to her on a deeper level, because at the end of the day you are not really trying to connect to her… you are simply trying to get her interested in you. It’s validation farming at the end of the day.

So what to do?

Well, if your immediate goal is something serious…

You should probably work with me.

Whether you have game or not, if you struggle to attract quality, “keeper” women — the problem is you.

You have unconscious motivations you are not aware of. Impulses you are in denial about.

And you don’t know how to “de-bug” your brain.

But I do.

All I need is your consent.

Every year your romantic problems are unaddressed is another year without that special woman. Without the children you might have with her.

Most men will ignore this warning and continue wasting their time out of pride.

“I can figure it out on my own”

OK. Then why haven’t you yet?

It’s important to be honest about your current capabilities.

The humble put aside their ego and learn.

The arrogant get left behind.

Which are you?

www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat