Was asked to comment on a “controversial” tweet the other day:

It was fairly funny, not going to lie, because I find the term “alpha female” to be extremely cringe. It’s weird enough when men refer to themselves as “alpha.” But it’s bizarre when women do. It shows they’ve spent too much time in men’s circles… and is almost always an indication said woman is still heavily in her masculine, and hasn’t done a great job re-integrating her feminine.

Terminology aside, however, this “alpha female” has a point.

Strong women DO NOT like weak men.

However, many aren’t always sure about this. The reason being that there are really three kinds of “strong women” out there.

Type #1: The Fake “Strong Woman” — As you can tell from the name, this woman is not really strong. This is your classic feminist who identifies as strong, but is really quite weak. Her ego is incredibly fragile.

These women may often sleep with a strong man for the good sex, but fundamentally they resent these men and consider them to be an “enemy” or “toxic.” In practice they tend to commit to weak men that they can control. This is the main reason the “strong woman” trope seems to fall flat, at least when you look at labels.

Type #2: The Masculine “Strong Woman”  These women are the kind of women I expect the original poster is. They are legitimately strong in resilience and spirit, and are often (though not always) “anti-feminist” in conviction; even as in behavior being quite close to the feminist ideal.

They want strong men, and have contempt for weak men. However. They tend to have a hard time attracting strong men… because while they are very capable, and in many ways would be good wives for strong men… they often struggle with surrender. They tend to be demanding and lack femininity, and often find “no man is good enough for them.” They tend to compensate for their difficulty with feminine behavior by amplifying their feminine appearance; they are usually fit and dress very “hot.”

Type #3: The Integrated “Strong Woman” — These women are an “improved” version of #2. Because while they have the strength and capacity of that type, they also have the ability to surrender. And they understand a strong queen is fundamentally there to amplify the strength of her king.

These women demand strong men as well, but they do not try to put on airs about being strong themselves. They know they are, yet do not feel the need to show it off. And they can sniff men who aren’t truly strong themselves relatively easily. They would prefer a strong man so that they don’t have to stay in their masculine excessively; they want to be feminine, and offer that femininity to him.

As you can see, Type #3 is clearly the “ideal,” as it offers both a feminine woman and strong woman simultaneously. Such women are wise, and make their men stronger by giving them a space to polarize.

But while Type #2 has its flaws, I want to emphasize that a) each of these “types” are a spectrum (it is hard to find a “pure” type 3), and b) most women are works in progress.

Many great men have married Type #2 women and these women have helped push them to greater heights. They are competent and powerful partners, dangerous in their own right. Many modern women aspire to such “power couple” relationships. This original poster appears to be in one of these, and congrats to her.

These women engender admiration and respect from men, and when they are fit, many men commit to them. Powerful men indeed tend to prefer them in their relationships to the “weak feminine” type of woman, who they might enjoy as playthings but struggle to respect (they round out the quadrant but are not mentioned, as they never pretend to be strong; they have not developed any of their masculine energy).

But the lack of feminine energy in these “type 2” women often leads to depolarization, and the man may in time seek out a mistress — generally of that “weak feminine” type — to balance things out.

Which is why I recommend such women to realize that while their strength is attractive to a man, it is not erotic. And that being able to cultivate and ability to surrender is paramount.

Anyway, if you are married to such a woman, and want said woman to express more femininity in the relationship…

Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat