Was on the phone with a client the other day, and a common scenario popped up.
He was interested in a girl. She was giving him some signs she felt the same about him.
And so they walked together to the subway… yet despite her proposing the walk (a clear sign of interest) he didn’t make a move.
Was the opportunity lost?
This was only their second interaction, and while he had a window to make a move… he didn’t have to.
Because of a little something I call operational flexibility.
This isn’t talked about directly all that much in game circles. Which I don’t really get. Although everybody is unconsciously aware of it.
But not all game gives you the same set of options. In some styles — daygame or night game, for instance — you need to move forward decisively. You have a limited amount of time and context to make your impression and capitalize on it. If the girl isn’t in the right place emotionally, or the timing isn’t right, there is not much you can do about it. You blow out. That’s fate.
This is much less a problem in other styles of game, such as “social circle” or “activity” game. You do not have to fire your weapon instinctively and hope you hit.
You can wait. And make your move when the dynamic is maximized in your favor.
You have operational flexibility. Which like in a military situation, gives you a large tactical advantage, as your options are not constrained.
Indeed, it’s one of the reasons I prefer these types of game to the more direct approach ones. I like optionality. I like knowing, if a girl in my social circle for instance, that I can slow-cook the attraction over a few group meetings. Let the tension build, let her investment grow…
And then strike when the iron is hot.
It’s just another reminder of the importance of context with game.
If you meet a girl through your social circle, it’s usually best to do this “simmer” approach. Trying to ask her out on a first meeting, while not necessarily impossible, has risks both in execution and in alienating yourself socially. If you know you will see her again, wait until she is ready for you to make a move.
Even if you don’t know for certain, sometimes it’s better to “play the odds” and leverage synchronicity in your favor (invite her friends to things, tell them to bring friends, and hope she shows up).
But you obviously can’t do this with a cold approach. There is risk of getting blown out, but there is certain loss if you do nothing. Some guys like this high stakes, instinctual game. I don’t mind it, it’s just not my preference. I always enjoyed the strategy of dating.
Yet make no mistake. Just because you have operational flexibility, it doesn’t mean you have optionality forever.
The reason you wait is to get that perfect balance of comfort and desire. To hit that window of peak tension.
But if you miss that window?
You’re gone, baby gone. Friendzoned.
So make sure if you try this approach, you have a good feel for the “mood”.
And if you don’t?
The good news is: I do.
You can work with me, and I’ll not simply guide you… I’ll teach you. So one day you won’t need me anymore.
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application