A few years back one of my female friends did something very unfortunate.

She was in a great relationship with a guy. They were an excellent couple — loved each other dearly, and were clearly on the road to marriage.

But I suppose you could say things were almost a little too perfect. Maybe it was getting too intense?

We’ve spoken of this before. Sometimes the crazy in a girl takes control — they want to introduce some chaos, and they do something impulsive and destructive. Sometimes if they don’t feel like they deserve to get something incredible, they sabotage it.

So what my did my friend do?

She cheated.

Now here’s the thing…

She didn’t actually like what she did. Immediately after the act, she felt a sense of self-revulsion. She realized what she had done had crossed a line, and she couldn’t come back from it.

And yet, she continued to cheat.

Why, you might ask?

This is a very interesting question, and I wanted to bring it to your attention… because I don’t think we’ve ever discussed it before.

First, there’s perhaps a more practical reason — she knew she had destroyed her amazing relationship, and figured at the very least when it all blew up, she’d have this other guy to fall back on.

I say perhaps, however, because the above seems very much like an after-the-fact rationalization. It is probably true, but people don’t act on “logic” like the above — they act on the emotion fueling it.

And what was that emotion?


Which as we know is a low-consciousness state.

Now this is where things get interesting.

This girl was a good girl living a happy life with a guy she wanted to spend her life with.

But once she made a decision to cheat, she dropped in consciousness. Then she hated herself for what she did to the guy she loved… and so she experienced guilt, shame, self-disgust… and dropped in consciousness even more.

From that point onwards she began lying regularly, trying to cover her tracks, and placing blame on her boyfriend for “recent issues,” in spite of the fact it was clearly on her.

Over the months her consciousness continued to drop. She had become “a different person.”

In other words…

She experienced a consciousness collapse.

Once she did something she perceived as unforgivable, she felt barred from heaven. She felt like she was a bad person, and so she committed herself to being that kind of bad person. And she wanted these crimes on her record so her boyfriend — when he found out — would understand just how bad she was, so he’d never take her back again.

All unconsciously, of course.

Which is the point I want to get to here.

When we do bad things, what really keeps us in the pits isn’t the thing itself, but the shame.

I don’t say this to excuse or diminish the cheating. Acknowledging you did wrong and apologizing — taking ownership — is necessary. Indeed, denial is the epitome of shame — you are trying to hide what you did.

The point is simply that when you make a mistake, you will make MORE mistakes if you do not let go the first one you did.

You need to forgive yourself.

Because if you don’t, you will HATE yourself so much that you will begin to do worse things to abuse yourself.

And you will eventually go so deep into hell, you won’t recognize what you’ve become… until you lose it all.

Anyway.If you are struggling to forgive yourself, there is some good news:

Healing is a large part of what I do in coaching.

I will shift your emotional and psychological pain, freeing you from your own demons, and giving you the capacity to experience life fully — as you were meant to.

If you want my services, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat

PS New video dropped last night: 5/10/21 – Killing Bad Habits, LDR Problems, Dealing With Stronger Men. Check it out!