The following is a guest post from my dear, elusive friend Hutt. Many of you may remember him.
You aren’t meeting the right people because they don’t exist – for you
The level of self-awareness you have, the extent to which you manage your emotions and the development level of your communication skills, all come together to create your world. You’ll only ever have relationships with people who have similar worlds – that is, your friends, your family and most of your relationships will be at a similar place because those are the people you feel most comfortable with and they you.
If you aren’t managing these items, the people who are will not exist to you. Sure, you can literally see them, but they might as well not exist because you can do little more than have a momentarily interaction with them.
If you aren’t meeting or dating the type of people you want it’s because you’re trying to level-up through a relationship rather than form a connection. You cannot solve problems via a relationship. When you try to do this, your relationships can’t be built on anything but attachment issues. The cycle will repeat itself over and over until you stop trying or do something different.
Not using a pickup line is the new pickup line. I cringe when I see screenshots from dating apps. Both sides playing an overdone cat and mouse game. Each looking to act like they care less and the whole interacting is just oozing with neediness.
When you develop a high level of self-knowledge through experienced connection with other people, game will be an afterthought and you’ll walk up to a woman, look her in the eye, and say ‘hi’. She will get what she is looking for in that she will feel that you are normal – that you are not looking to use her for anything. No hook, game or gimmick can hide neediness.
Women sense these subtexts in communication more than men because they are afraid of being hurt but both sexes can use relationships in this needy manner.
There are many paths to becoming decidedly not needy, but they share a common theme of self-awareness via honest, frank conversations and human connection. The internet gives us incredible access to false connection, but you cannot theorize your way to self-development. Put down the device.
Talk to people. Get feedback. Reach out and push yourself past your comfort level. Call old coworkers and family friends. Call your parents and ask how they think people see you.
Maybe hire a coach with 1,000’s of hours of experience giving honest feedback to people.
Open your world.