Hey Pat, I was wondering if you’d be able to help with a small annoyance with my girlfriend before it turns into a problem.

Here it goes, I understand if there’s only so much you’re willing to do. The short story is that every time my girlfriend and I aren’t in physical proximity with one another for any amount of time she gets anxious and neurotic that there are other women in my life. Maybe it’s my wording occasionally. But sometimes when I use an improper word that makes her have self doubt she just shuts down and the anxiety comes back again.

Is there any way I can solidify the reassurance so she never has have to self doubt ever again? We’ve been dating for 2+ yrs and she’s an anxiety type which I know is a red flag

Thank you for your time Pat, I appreciate it

Is there any way YOU can make sure she doesn’t have self-doubt ever again?


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

Everybody must take responsibility for their own healing.

You can support your woman, and you should be patient and understanding about her wounds.

But ONLY if she is actively trying to solve these problems herself.

The fact that she has this anxiety, and is not taking ownership over it, seeking out appropriate therapists / healers… with the result of her constantly spewing out her neurosis onto you……is a sign YOU LACK BOUNDARIES.

I say this out of love, as I know how difficult this is not only professionally (I have worked through this issue with many clients), but personally.

But you CANNOT coddle women, no matter how helpless they feel.

Your job as a man is to hold up the mirror of truth to her bullshit.It is to make her grow, to make her strong.

You are not only allowing your energy to be drained by this woman, you are actively HURTING her by not setting limits on how much you are willing to take.

She is not going to change unless you make her take ownership. She is not going to grow unless you are willing to leave her.

LOVE is what motivates a woman to change. It his her love of you — the desire to keep it, or the consequences of her losing it — that will provoke her to transform.

That DOESN’T mean you need to guide her all the way yourself.

Mark Derian and Lorriane DeLear are two people I strongly recommend she see. They are experts in this.

Your job is to create the capsule around her to facilitate this growth.

But if she refuses to see the light, remember…It’s not your fault.

It’s not your job to save her.

Anyway, I know this stuff is easier said than done.

Guys in this situation rarely have anyone who can support and guide THEM.

Which is why I do what I do.

I’ll help you through this transition… and through whatever lies beyond.

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat