One of the topics I’ve “pioneered” in the manosphere is the concept of “Girl Game” — the things women do to seduce men, and how men need to protect themselves accordingly.
And because so few gurus talk about it — most guys are concerned with gaming women, not preventing themselves from being gamed (a big mistake) — it’s become one of my most popular topics. So I want to clear something up for guys, because there are a lot of misconceptions about girl game and how we should interpret it.
First off, girl game is not necessarily bad. “Game” — whether from a guy or a girl — is simply a tactical awareness of how to behave to most-charm the opposite sex.
Saying you want to avoid girl game is saying you want a girl who dresses like a slob and is coarse and gruff in manner.
The truth is we want girls who know game, because game turns us on. The subtle distinction is that while we want to experience game, we don’t want to begamed.
“Being gamed” = being manipulated. It’s this connotation that confuses people; indeed, many well-meaning guys swear off “game” — and thus swear off success with women — because they don’t like the idea of being immoral and leading someone on
So let’s clear this up, because I’m tired of this black and white thinking: There is nothing unethical about understanding other people’s motivations and adjusting your own behavior accordingly.
Being dumb and ineffective at something isn’t a virtue. The “problem” with game is that it gives you enormous power — which means you have correspondingly have enormous responsibility.
Ethics in seduction are about your intention and the degree to which you’re being authentic in what you convey. So long as your Persona is congruent with your Personality, you aren’t deceiving; you’re framing.
And as an intelligent, well-meaning person you have an obligation to frame yourself positively — because that is what’s accurate, and that’s what will allow other people to enjoy the gift of your presence.
Anyway, now that this philosophy lesson is done, let’s get practical.
What’s the good and bad about girl game for guys?
But just to touch the tip of the iceberg…
Good girl game makes a guy feel like a king.
All effective “standard” game is directed towards the ego, and much of the male ego revolves around validation from attractive women.
A girl who knows game will inflate your accomplishments to others, and express her admiration and desire for you — through gifts, gestures (cooking / cleaning commonly), words / notes of affirmation, and deviant sexual acts.
You will enjoy, and should enjoy all of this from your woman. Indeed, one of the reasons anglo women (southern belles aside) get such a bad rap today is most have lost the art of girl game. If you’ve dated one of these modern, “liberated” creatures, you have Exhibit A on why you should be encouraging, not discouraging girl game.
Girl game makes you more invested in a relationship, and more bonded to your woman.
The TRAP guys fall into most, however, is over-believing this ego-inflation, and resting on their laurels.
They get complacent. She’s so into me, she’s so supportive — I don’t have to worry about anything.
REWARD good behavior, don’t punish it. If your girl makes you feel like a king, act like a king.
Otherwise that fealty will disappear real quick.
Bad girl game — the kind you want to be skeptical of — involves gestures that are over-the-top or don’t really match your current commitment.
The reason you should beware is these are designed to produce guilt and coerce your investment. It’s when a girl does something for you to the extent that it seems to compromise her. She is giving-to-get, and because most guys have some degree of a savior complex, they will start to develop a sense of obligation towards her.
This is where things get messy, because once you stay with a girl because you’re afraid to hurt her, you’re entering co-dependent territory. Now she “needs” you. This is around the time when the girl game stops, and all those nice acts that drew you into the quicksand disappear.
Obviously, there’s much more to girl game than this. Many subtle tells.
But the hardest part for most guys isn’t simply knowing, but acknowledging that what they’re experiencing isn’t “different.”
I can’t tell you how many guys have come to me saying “she does all this stuff for me, she’s the best girl I’ve ever met, there’s no one like her” — completely oblivious to the fact that they’re not dealing with a girl’s core personality, but her seductive persona.
Which is why you might want to consider coaching.
Because I am surgical in my ability to separate a woman’s bullshit from her genuine intention.
I can see who a girl is well before a guy who has blinders on. Which allows such men to make decisions that save them a lot of time, heartbreak… and very often money.
And to choose better in the future.
If you want my help, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application