Thank you for your great content and for cleverly answering my question (love me as I am) in the last Q&A, too bad periscope isn’t more reliable. If you have time or if that can serve as material in one of the next ones, I have something to ask about that fascinating comment you made in the podcast with Jack Donovan.
You described guys who experience for the very first time love from a girl they really like. I can relate so much it hurts. How that can be overwhelming, how you are not aware of what’s happening at that moment so you just feel lucky about the relationship without being careful and prepared. I got completely drained emotionally (nothing materially) after a few months mostly due to fights on trust issues (her fear that you’re not 100% into it, similar to the fear that you’re not going to be around that you mention).
How do guys who experienced that best move on? I assume all guys in this situation must experience oneitis and scarcity mindset after that like I do? since it was so much better than everything that came before.
Once you lost the frame to the point of having tears in your eyes I guess you have to take it as a learning experience, a burn. Looking at it rationally it’s better to move on than to try to fix it one more time. Her final comments on me being manipulative and too much of a coward to have clear talks about us without her initiating fights indicates that SHE expected me to have frame and can’t be happy this way, just what you preach!
However taking out another girl a couple time after that hasn’t been satisfying at all because it looks pale in comparison. Starting everything from scratch with someone else is not so attractive due to past experiences not coming close to that one. Really wondering.
Whatever you do with that, thank you very much for all of that you do online and stay safe!
Love the vulnerability. This is a great question and I’m glad someone finally asked it.
I talk about this throughout a whole section of my masterclass… but one of the concepts guys MUST understand is the role of FANTASY, and how it affects our perceptions of women and relationships.
Humans have a proclivity towards fantasizing in general. But when we lack a baseline experience in an area, and it promises us something very very important to our sense of self, it is almost impossible for most people to avoid falling into the “fantasy mindset.”
This is the reason our first loves, and thus our first losses, are so painful: because we craft a completely BULLSHIT story up in our head about who we are actually falling for.
And it’s why as time goes on “players” tend to get more jaded unless they shift their objectives.
You start to “see” everything and you start to know exactly how to get a girl to fall into her own fantasy… and so the veil on things starts to be lifted.
L, what you are experiencing right now is completely normal. 95% of the readers if not more have or are going through it right now.
What is important is that you do not “remember” the wrong things about your experience with her.
Because you are not hung up on her, but the IDEA of her.
Indeed, this is even revealed in your description:
“Her final comments on me being manipulative and too much of a coward to have clear talks about us without her initiating fights indicates that SHE expected me to have frame and can’t be happy this way, just what you preach!”
I don’t know the full context to this, but it sounds she has persuaded you that YOU were the problem rather than anything she did. She started fights and had trust issues… all of which is 100% *your* fault?
Understand: women are very, very good at convincing guys that everything would have been OK if only they had done this or that… when 9/10 times the reality is that she is rationalizing her decision so she isn’t a “bad person” for ending it and dating someone else she likes more.
Now, this is NOT to say that there isn’t some truth to what she is saying. Only that we do not want to lose the forest through the trees.
Discernment is knowing when a woman is full of shit.
Unfortunately, this game that women play with our minds gives them guiltless leeway to not only leave physically, but to leave a false imprint on our minds about who they were.
MY FRIEND, IT’S ALL A LIE
You NEED to remember that she is not a goddess. She is a woman, and from the sounds of it a manipulative woman… because she left an imprint on your mind of her perfection.
Focus on the BULLSHIT that she did. Destroy the visage. You have been gaslit. If you were emotionally drained for months, she is NOT a quality woman.
And you need to kill this idol not only for the sake of her, but for your future women.
Because as long as this false idol of her exists, you will either not be able to connect with new women at all (as is happening now)… or you will fall for a new false idol in the future.
It’s the pedestal that is the enemy.
And it’s not just the enemy of you, but the enemy of genuine true love.
Because true love is based on understanding and accepting an IMPERFECT person, not on idealizing a projection from our imagination.
I know this is one thing to mention… but in practice the process is hard.
Which is why I recommend those of you in the same place consider working with me.
Because what you NEED during this time is someone who can listen to you unconditionally… but objectively WAKE YOU UP FROM THE BULLSHIT.
If you are transitioning out of a relationship back onto the dating market, there is arguably no time that coaching is more necessary.
Because right now you are VERY IMPRESSIONABLE to mindset shifts and downloading new information. Your old life is over, and your mind is ready for change.
Anyway, you catch my drift.If you want to make the stage of life something special…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
One of the worst things about leaving a relationship is the wasted time. Don’t waste anymore.