Obviously need to talk about this topic since I experienced the truth of this yesterday on 2 coaching calls and after catching up with an old friend.
Let’s talk about my friend.
This friend is one of my favorite people, and an “unofficial” mentor when it came to women.
He’s an absolute natural — attractive, smart, assertive, confident, and suave with women.
HUGE amount of energy, but concentrated… similar to a strong-silent type but a bit more gregarious.
Suffice to say women haven’t been a problem for him.
And yet… for a long time, quality evaded him.
He’d get into relationships occasionally, but the girls were nuts… things would always implode.
So he’d usually stick to his sweet spot: playing the field.
Until recently a couple things happened.
First, he knocked up this one girl he was seeing… and got himself a daughter from the situation.
They tried to make things work, but… well see the above.
So he became a single dad.
And one working very long hours at a bio-tech start up.
Which began a shift in the way he thought.
In the past, he’d go to bars and hit on girls.
It was very probable in a given week he’d take 2, 3… even 4 girls home with him.
(Some one night stands, some short-term flings)
Well, his mindset has changed.
He’s realized that his past got him into this mess… and that hanging around with low-hanging fruit might have been fun, but wasn’t all that fulfilling.
And that his time was actually precious.
Because between his daughter and work he didn’t have time or inclination to just go out and hook up with randos.
He had to focus on quality leads only.
And so, he restricted himself to one date a week.
Often not even taking said woman home if he wasn’t really feeling her value.
In a couple of weeks, he met a girl that has now become his girlfriend.
Sweet, pretty, and in contrast to most of the girls he’d pump-and-dump… intelligent.
Which means for the first time in the 8 years I’ve known him, he’s really happy and fulfilled.
The lesson for you my friends?
Well, there are 2.
First: you can play the field as much as you like… but you don’t get to quality girls through quantity.
If you want a “Tier 1” chick you need to restrict your options more than you might expect.
(Sex clouds your judgment, and other women restrict your emotional bandwidth)
And second: if you want to move forward, you need to come to terms with your past.
My friend freely admitted to this girl on his first date that he had a dark history.
He didn’t apologize for it, but he didn’t hide or sugar coat it either.
He acknowledged and processed it.
Which was a big step for him in transitioning out of a very self-destructive period, despite his excellent qualities.
Why do I mention this?
Because most of you try to avoid dealing with your past, and distract yourself with numbers to get by.
You don’t go deep into yourself, you don’t become honest with yourself… which means you can’t go deep with women.
You play on the surface.
Which can be fun for a time, no doubt. And may even be necessary for you at your current stage.
But in the longterm, when lingered on, it ALWAYS leads to more problems (not less) and emotional dissatisfaction.
Anyway, I know many of you prefer to avoid all of this. To get the tactics, the “hacks”… rather than the life-changing transformations.
But for those of you who want to lead a different life… a fulfilling one… yet can’t just seem to figure out how.
Guiding guys to this new world is what I do.
Apply here if you want to be my next success: www.patstedman.com/application