So just gonna be quick here today, since I’m still technically “off the clock”

(I’ve been vacationing / doing some intensive research, got another week until things are back to normal… tho FYI we’re gonna be doing these only 4x a week going forward due to book writing / more regular blog posts…)

But wanted to bring to your attention something I see quite a bit of… especially on ye olde social media.
And something that I in fact disagree with:

“She needs to follow your lead”


Doesn’t look like a very ALPHA statement.

Could it be it’s true what they say?

Pat Stedman is indeed a blue pill lion hiding among the manosphere sheep?

Lol, rest easy kings.

I DO believe in male leadership in relationships. You can’t have two captains sailing the ship.

But the problem with most of the shit I see flying around the interweb is most of the guys advocating for this dynamic want to lead out of EGO.

They believe that women exist to serve / service them, and that this is what good women do.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a nice thing to have from your woman. You might even say it’s a feminine thing.

But the problem is most guys want this treatment for the wrong reasons.They feel like it’s about THEM and that they DESERVE it.

Their mindset is that of control, and moreover, victim vs perpetrator.

In other words… they want to lead because they want the ego boost from being in charge… rather than leading because their actions aligned with the truth.

I’ll elaborate cause I know this is a bit heavy.

Most relationships that go on the rocks start going south when the guy is emasculated and weak. He’s not leading and she resents him for it.

But while the guy gets some more self-respect when he “nuts up” and stops accepting this treatment, the relationship often still doesn’t improve.

Why’s that you ask?

Because now he wants to lead because he feels like he should and he’s been treated badly.

An EGO reason.

He is still in a battle with her, he is just trying to change his position in the dynamic… rather than completely change the dynamics.


A woman can argue with you, and you can get resentful at her for doing it.

But you can’t win that fight.

You can only win when you align your actions not with your own “needs” but with what is TRUE about the two of you.

It’s not about breaking her to YOUR will.

But to God’s will.

To your respective fates. To the natural order.

To Truth.

How to do this?

Well, you’ve got to be well-versed in psychological game for one.

(A tactic no one in the dating / relationship community talks about, except yours truly)

But even bigger… your mindset and energy has to be at a place where YOU can escape the cycle.

Where you can actually lead her OUT of the anger and anguish, rather than escalate it.

How to do that?

On your own… just being honest, it’s unlikely.

You will lack the objectivity and access to a different way of thinking / vibrating.

You will be overexposed to her emotions and negativity and find yourself falling into it.

Which is why I do the work I do with clients.

Does it always save their relationships?


For a relationship to work, both parties must follow truth. She has a choice to make and you cannot force it.

(And sometimes the “truth” is that it is time to part… scary I know)

But it DOES save these mens’ futures.


If you’re in a similar spot and want to change your current course.

(Or even better, you want to prepare to avoid such an event in the future…)

Apply here:

– Pat