Harsh little email for you today, but I’ve been reading the tea leaves and frankly I know some of you need a little kick in your pants.

This is something I’ve seen a LOT of in the dating world.

Particularly among those who have had a long run of failure / settling with women, and who are just making the decision to improve.

Their confidence is a bit shattered.

They’ve got a lot of deep-seated neediness.In other words… their frame is especially roughed up.

So putting themselves out there differently with women is tough.

Learning to take action, approach, and choose the women in their life is scary.

And rejection is especially painful.

These guys are used to putting up big shields around themselves… to put on a “nice guy” veneer with women.

Letting themselves get vulnerable isn’t easy.

So when they do… and things don’t go quite the way they planned…

They get discouraged.

They shut down.

And, in many cases, quit.

Now, I’m not going to bullshit you. I’ve been in this world of dating 10.5 years now… I’ve spent every waking day considering these topics… I’ve sought and paid for the perspective of the smartest experts in the world…

And the truth is that some guys are better with women than others. Some men have genetic or social gifts that makes it easier for them to seduce the opposite sex…… but here’s the thing…

ANY guy can become above average with women if they put their mind to it.  ANY guy can have options of beautiful, feminine women who he connects with.

And there is no excuse except for your own bullshit and weakness for not changing this.

We are all capable of success with women, and if you want to become above average, you will not have much competition, since the vast majority of men are never, ever going to make an effort to improve.

It’s like with fitness. You might not have the genetics or talent to become a model, professional athlete, or fighter. But simply by SHOWING UP consistently you can look better, perform better, and fight better than 90% of other men.

Giving up is like resigning yourself physically to being a fat, unkept slob because it’s “too hard.”

Guys… you either want it or you don’t.

You either take set backs on the chin like a child or you smile and face them as a man.

I’ve heard comments from someone of you wondering “how I got to be so confident.”

The answer is eating shyte and battling inner demons until I found myself on the other side. It was like walking through a haunted forest for years until finally suddenly finding yourself in a beautiful mountain valley.

You need to get over the reality of setbacks and push forward or you’re just not going to make it.

I don’t coach people to avoid failures. I coach them THROUGH failures.

Working with me is a way to learn at an accelerated rate. It’s NOT to avoid pain… and I would not do this to you even if I had this power.

Because failure and pain are how you learn.


And not just with women, with life.

You need to be certain of your ultimate success no matter what the journey throws at you.

Understand… whatever you see me as now is a 180 from where I began.

I used to go out to parties where I didn’t know people and have panic attacks. I would literally go there, walk around the place in circles… getting more and more anxious each minute that everybody thought I was a loser.

Within half an hour I’d head back to my apartment hyperventilating, lock the door, and write neurotic notes to myself, trying to get all the crud out of my mind, so I could actually calm down.

I gave my friend $500 as collateral when I was a zero-income college student to force me to do my first “cold approaches.” I barely made it back.

And while I may have slowed my progress at times… I never gave up on this dream, because I didn’t want to live as someone who couldn’t talk to attractive women or naturally meet people.

People find this story hard to believe, given who I am now.

I’m mostly a 1-1 kind of guy, but when my wife mentioned a few months ago she wished we had a “group” of friends in the city… it took me 2 months to create one (and a good one, too).

I feel completely at ease among strangers and unlike most today think meeting friends and women is easy.

Guess what… it took commitment and belief.So think very carefully what you want.

Because if you think I’m going to do all the heavy lifting for you… you’re wrong.

This is YOUR journey. I can simply be your guide for part of it… the person who can show you the fastest way through the dark, dreary woods…

And if you decide to run off when we get to a rough patch, and I can’t catch you…

You’re on you’re own. And you’ve just wasted more of your time.


A warning if you’re going to take this path, especially with me.

You are NOT going to have an easy road.

You WILL have set backs and failures.

But if you stick with me… you will find yourself a new, better man… with the confidence to attract and keep the women you have always wanted.

For those interested: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat