Yesterday we tackled the implications of your “macro” approach towards a girl, and how seducers may create an impression that turns a girl on short-term, but is counterproductive after a few months.Today we’re focusing on the details, which is probably what @MimeticValue was looking for when he asked (I like to use questions to extrapolate more broadly):

“@Pat_Stedman I noticed that people project a role onto you from their first impressions, and it’s very hard to change this. If she likes you for that role, she becomes frustrated when you play an unexpected role.

For example, I’ve had the best connections with women who saw me as a gymrat or artist, but too often they see me as the scientist, businessman, or insights guy, and these relationships never work out. Thoughts on this issue? Thanks.”


As many of you know, within each Pillar of Attraction (Preselection, Persona, Personality) is two halves: comfort and desire.

Contrary to much Red Pill thinking out there, both are essential. But as any guy who has been friendzoned knows… desire must come first, as it is very difficult to make a girl like you once you lead with comfort.

@MimeticValue used for examples of roles she was less “turned on” by gymrat or artist, two “jobs” that make her physically or psychologically turned on. These roles — like musician, or special forces operator, or celebrity — are “desire” roles and imprint a sexual, well, desirability that lasts long into the dynamic.

The fact that you also start successful businesses and cure cancer will make you even hotter — comfort aside, the range of skills shows mystery — but these are amplifications of your initial desirability as a bodybuilder.

Contrast this with scientist, businessman, or intellectual — mostly comfort roles (at best), detached entirely from female sexual triggers. When she frames you like this, you’re basically a nerd who lifts and paints, but still a nerd. Comfort is triggered, not desire, and the desire traits are overlooked sexually.

This is why how your frame yourself to a woman is so important.

I am a nerd in my own way, and yet I have used it to become more attractive to women. But here’s the thing… I never let myself be framed as the nerd. I was always the attractive, socially charming guy who — wtf? — was also well read and had all sorts of interesting ideas and dorky passions.

This made me fascinating and multidimensional — more attractive, not less.

Now, this impression CAN change with a girl over time if it turns out the dork is more apparent than the cool guy. Then she’ll think she was gamed and will lose attraction. Always make sure you lean into what made you hot just a little more than the rest.

Anyway, that’s my hot take.

As for you, my friends.

Dating is one of those things where it’s extremely hard until it’s extremely easy.

There’s a certain tipping point of understanding, where you go from being “just friends” or getting “blown out” to having your pick of the litter with women, the only reason dates don’t go anywhere is literally because there’s no natural connection.

You need to understand women, understand game, and most importantly — yourself.

People want quick fixes but it’s not an overnight process, and if I’m being really fucking blunt, very, very few people have the wherewithal and focus to learn it all on their own.

I’ve been at this for 10 years and have had no shortage of mentors to get to this level of expertise. Those who have done it all on their own are few and far between.

So if you actually want to get your dating life handled, instead of just larping about women and making excuses, don’t waste your 2019… and get a coach who actually understands it and can help you “download” the information.

If you think that coach is me, go here:

– Pat