A very regular question I get.

And one too dependent on context, if we’re being frank, to really answer for you right now.

(This is what coaching is for)

But let’s speak “macro” for today’s email

This question comes up with lot with guys who might be with a girl for awhile, but they’ve started having some issues. She’s not meeting his needs in X way, or isn’t being as feminine as he’d like, or she’s nagging, sex is lackluster… etc., etc.

There are myriad problems that could occurring.

(details aren’t so important, when we’re zooming out like this)

Anyway, so he wonders… is this girl the right girl for me?

A reasonable question.

But if you’re going to get a real answer to it, you must ask yourself another one.

Am I showing up the way I want as a man?

It’s a seemingly innocuous statement. But in it speaks volumes.

Because you’re never going to know the “truth” about you and your girl so long as you are not playing your role in the relationship.

Leave your girl while you’re still undisciplined, weak, needy, in your head, not getting shit done… you don’t know what could be between you two.

You don’t know how your lack of leadership is potentially destabilizing the relationship.

And you don’t know how she might be as your woman, otherwise.

Cause here’s the truth lads:

So much of a woman’s behavior has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with you.

You might want her to “control herself” or “manage her moods” — but the way women work… a lot of that is your job, cultivated by your presence, and your energy.

So make sure you’ve got your own house in order before you start casting stones.

Yes, she may be to blame.

But that’s not really relevant.

You are too.

And if you don’t sort your failings out with her, you’ll just screw up the same things with the next girl.

So control your variables — lead — before you judge her ability as a woman to follow.

It takes two to tango. Yet it is the man who directs the pace and dynamic of the dance.

And if you want to learn how to dance?

Well, I’m not very good at the literal form.

(You should see a dance instructor for that)

But in the metaphorical dance between men and women — masculine and feminine energies — I’m a pro.

And I’ll show you where you’re really fucking up, so you can fix things with the girl you’re with… or if things have become really critical, set you up so you never make the same mistakes again.

Find out if we’re a good fit here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat