The other day I had an application from a guy considering doing some coaching with me.
And he put some stuff on the application that gave me a bit of a chuckle.
Nothing, really embarrassing or atypical, mind you.
I don’t mention it to “shame” him.
But worth noting since I’m certain many of you have had the same thoughts pass through your head.
The content of the application was more or less like this:
Guy wanted help to re-attract a girl he had been dating, but had screwed things up with because he was needy. Guy also wanted to learn how to be less needy.
Reasonable requests — though a problem immediately stood out (which we’ll get to in a minute).
So, we jumped on a call. And after hearing his situation, very quickly my concern was validated.
You see, this guy REALLY wanted to get this girl back.
He thought she was everything.
He was desperate for it, and thus very disappointed when I told him it wasn’t going to happen — certainly not in a short time frame — and that I could only help him to avoid such situations in the future.
Now, the reason for this was simple. He had really come on far too strong to the girl, and she had expressed in no uncertain terms there wasn’t any other option.
(Sometimes you can salvage things tactically, other times, not so much)
But there was a deeper issue here.
You can’t make a girl think you’re non-needy when you need her.
Seems obvious when it’s put this way.But I hear things like this all the time.
“Hey Pat I lost X because I was so needy, how do I get her back?”
Think carefully when you find yourself asking this question. Because it’s like asking someone cure you of a poison under the condition that you keep drinking it.
Here’s the truth, friendos:
In dating, you only get more control only when you RELINQUISH control.
When you NEED an outcome, you undermine your frame and get less of what you want.
A paradox, I know.
Which is why my work is only for sophisticated people.
If you like cozy ideologies that operate in black and white — that promise you everything but ask of you little to nothing — then we’re not a good fit.
To get what you want, you need to be OK with not getting it.
Whether you’re going through a divorce, break up, or trying to get some girl you dropped the ball with.
Half the time when you let an outcome go, you realize you didn’t really care about it to begin with.
And that you were only hanging on because of fear.
Anyway, if you want me to “rewire” you, go here: www.patstedman.com/application