I find myself beating a dead horse in here sometimes, but today’s topic is something obvious… and yet ignored by guys trying to improve with women nonstop.

And to be fair, it’s not their fault.

Conventional wisdom in the “pick up” space tells you to really push your interactions with women when you’re getting started.

After all, you’re nervous, and are probably bailing from conversations with girls too early.

So you’re supposed to stay, no matter how uncomfortable… and let that tension settle throughout you.

Hey, hard to disagree with that.

Tension control is the secret to frame.

But there’s a problem.

Many guys might be nervous about talking to women, but they also have a very accurate gauge of whether or not a woman is interested in taking to them.

They can see when she’s disinterested and annoyed.

When she wants to be left alone.

But because some dude on the internet said to STAY IN THE SET, they stick around… awkwardly standing there, trying to make conversation with someone who has a different objective for the evening.

You probably see where I’m going at this point.

But I’ll spell it out anyway:

You are not going to get girls by ignoring social cues.

Allow me to tell a little story, one hardly unique but occurred recently.

My wife and her sister were here in NYC getting drinks. They don’t see each other often (they live in opposite corners of the world) and were trying to catch up.

But they didn’t really have a chance to. Because some aspiring PUA went up and talked to them, and wouldn’t leave them alone.

Now PLEASE understand I am not begrudging the guy the approach. Though it was pretty clear they were there not to meet other people (learn to judge whether groups are “open” or closed), you never know for sure until you try. And my wife and her sister are both tall, thin, attractive eastern european girls.

So I get it.

But once you realize someone isn’t biting, you need to read the situation and leave.

Wish them well, and let everybody be happy.

Understand, my wife’s been hit on many times before, and is very gracious about it — she’s not a feminist, and because of my work she knows what it’s like being a guy who struggles with women. She empathizes.

But her exact words when she got back were scathing. She felt like she was his experiment… not like a person he was actually aware of. There was nothing about it that was attractive.

Which brings us to the real crux of the issue.

This guy went up and talked to my wife and her sister with a routine.

It was devoid of real energy.

It was a “logical” approach versus an intuitive one.

And so it was useless… both for the guy, and for the girls it was used upon.

Because it was disconnected from the energy in the dynamic.

So keep this in mind going forward.

There’s tension when there’s attraction… and there’s also tension when there’s disinterest.

You must discern the two if you hope to become good with women.

And if you want help with that?

There’s a guy who’s figured it out… and can help you do the same: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat