I’ve been thinking about attraction for the last decade. And I’ve consumed more or less all the opinions about “what women want” that exist out there.

Right now, at least in the circles I’ve been frequenting, the main obsession seems to be with leadership.

Women want men who are leaders.

Men who lead the family.

Men who get shit done.

Men who are ambitious and reliable.

Now, certainly it’s true that women appreciate such traits. No doubt a woman would prefer such a man when offered the alternative.

But I have some sneaking suspicion that these traits are overrated.


Even — if women were being honest with themselves — not that big of a deal.

(at least for a not-insignificant portion of women)

Why do you ask?

Well, I’ve seen relationships that operate in this frame that leave the ladies pretty bored.

Guys that are leaders and providers, who yet find themselves with dissatisfied, nagging wives.

Guys who can’t seem to make their women happy despite being the archetypal good husband.

Gonna apologize in advance for sounding a bit catty.

But you know what I see from 80%+ of the manosphere twitter accounts that is no-bueno?

Things that maybe don’t matter too much when single, but come back very much to haunt said men in relationships?

Not enough spontaneity, and far too much structure.

Not enough playfulness, and far too much intensity.

Not enough lightness, and far too much weight.

I’ve talked before about artists and adventurers and why women flock to them.

And, I’ve talked about how these guys push the female psyche to feel on a level they haven’t before.

But many — especially the latter — do something else.

They offer women an escape.

Offer them fun, adventures, stories… things that make them laugh and feel like children again.

Things that make them feel free.

I’m going to let you in on a secret, that you may have missed because everybody around these parts is so serious.

Heavy people are exhausting.

The “I gotta get this shit done, steak and eggs, 16+ hour work days…” women find this shit insufferably boring and tedious.

Now, maybe you don’t care.

And that’s fine.

(Not one said you should. Live life for you, not women.)

But just realize that if you can’t “shut it off” and go out and party, have fun (because you’re like, so in the grind), women aren’t going to find you attractive.

And it’s not a moral failing on the part of the women.

You’re just boring, and have allowed your life to become one dimensional.

Anyway, nothing to take personally. I’m throwing stones from a glass house (I have a very intense side that if left unchecked is a real drain on the happiness of myself and others).

But because of that, I know very much about these traps… and can help guys who are otherwise doing “everything right” to see why their lady is giving them grief.

Why despite being the most genuine alpha male leader (™) she could find in the sexual marketplace, she’s disappointed.

And to help them reframe their way of going about things so they not only have a more passionate and sexual relationship… but so that they can individual get more satisfaction out of life.

Go here if you’re interested: www.patstedman.com/application

But only if you’re prepared to have your mind rewired…

– Pat