The other day I heard a story about a mutual friend — one that might ring true for many of you.
It involves a girl — just on the cusp of 30, attractive, in shape, all around cool and fun.
She’s been looking for a boyfriend for a while now — easily a year or two — though not “actively,” and she’s not quite at the point where it’s a priority for her.
Anyway, she knows this guy — let’s call him Dave.
Dave’s an attractive, solid dude, has a decent job, and is their group’s “social leader,” setting up most of the parties and connecting most of the people together.
In other words he’s cool and well liked. And the two of them just happen to be best friends.
This girl’s dated a couple of assholes, but there hasn’t been a serious guy in the picture for awhile… and not by choice. In fact, she’s complained many times about how there aren’t any “good guys” out there. Guys are fun, it seems, but don’t want to commit.
So you think she’d be happy when Dave told her the other day he was interested in her, right?
Ha. If you’ve been around these parts, you know that’s not how it ever goes.
Not only was she not interested in Dave, she was angry and repulsed that he ruined everything for her. Him “liking her” complicated her life, and not only wrecked their friendship, but may have damaged the other ones in her life, since he’s at the center of their social group.
Keep in mind she enjoyed doing all sorts of things with this guy, he had all sorts of social proof, was fit, and she’s heading into a significant decline sexual marketplace territory very shortly.
Not something that would have likely happened even 10 years ago — certainly not 30.
Anyway, where am I going with this?
Well, a couple of directions.
One — while we talk about getting your life together as a priority here, this story is a brutal reminder you can’t *ever* forget to learn game.
It’s just non-negotiable in the modern era. If this guy gamed her, it would be “game over” and they’d both be happy. But my guess is he played it nice and was all too ready to “be there for her” on her terms. Sure, they might have had banter, but in a “controlled,” limited dynamic. Too much comfort, not enough desire.
But two — you must understand women today are caught in a vise, one that is guaranteed to make a majority of them miserable. And you must plan accordingly.
You see, because of the interconnected dating market, women feel like suitors are around every corner. And in truth, there are. But unfortunately for them, the ones they find attractive are out there for sex, not commitment… and because of what women have been told by society, they don’t fully understand the difference.
As a result, they *feel* like they have more leverage in the market than they actually do. They confuse the amount of male attention they get with the number quality of men who want to commit to them. If and when they do realize the market mismatch, it’s often too late… or their position is at the very least far poorer than it would have been.
Most women suffer because of this indecisiveness, but men suffer greatly too — as plenty of “good guys” don’t get girls as a result.
But for the men that “get it,” there has truly never been a greater time to be alive.
Honestly, I wish this weren’t so. I’d prefer a more equitable dating market that valued people more holistically.
But that’s the way things are. You can either aim to become a guy who knows how to create desire and have the pick of the litter, or you can follow the old playbook and get ignored.
But the market is such that even an attractive guy with his life together, with a huge group of friends can’t grab a cute girl who considered him one of her best friends.
Play the game or be played.
And one of the most important parts of this game?
A fact: It’s getting to be damn near impossible to get a girl (especially one you met online) to meet up with you if you don’t know how to text. If you don’t impress them with your words, they won’t give you access.
Which is why, if you haven’t already, get my book Tackling Texting.
It takes you from number to date like clockwork, so if you ever get hung up in your conversation, just reference the book and it’ll show you what to do.
It’s so well structured that when I work with clients and they have a texting problem, I tell them to reference the book first and then come back to me if they have any questions.
They rarely do.
Anyway, it’s only $4.99. Skip one beer, and you’ve paid for it — and will be on your way to take advantage of all those eager ladies this summer.
PS I only publish old emails like this on the website. To join the list and get the new, daily ones, go here: www.patstedman.com/optin