In Part 1 we discussed the essence of seduction and dominance, how to use them in pursuit of power and attraction, and modern culture’s role.
But are seduction and dominance equal? Or is one obviously better?
Seduction vs Dominance: Which Should You Choose?
It’s an unpleasant fact for most in the manosphere to hear, but if you want to hook up with women today dominance is a lot of unnecessary work. It’s much easier to go the route of seduction.
Seduction thrives in being hidden. You learn the secrets of game, and act on them. Women love you and no one’s the wiser to what’s really going on.
The only issue with seduction is its longevity. It can’t be maintained with any one person over that long of a time. How long depends on your own game and the person’s desire to be seduced, but generally speaking we’re talking months, not years.
(Indeed, the honeymoon phase is little more than a state of unconscious seduction, which is why older, less naive people don’t “fall in love” like they used to)
So if your goal is a relationship, seduction will get you in the race, but it won’t take you that far. Relationships bare your soul; they sanitize pretty lies and kill fantasies. When she realizes she gave control of the frame to an apparition, battles will ensue. In this case, seduction is far from your best choice.
Understand, women don’t simply change their behavior in a relationship because they locked you down; they change because they realized you were not the man they imagined. To be sure, women “seduce themselves” to a degree in this process; they seek out the fantasy. But dominant men don’t suffer the same “come down” as seducers in a relationship because their attraction was not based on illusion. The seducer has no such advantage: in a relationship the only leverage he has is the implicit threat of seducing someone else.
Not surprisingly, it’s a recipe for turmoil.
This is — if you were wondering — why “masters at dating” so often see their relationships implode. Hooking up with a girl is one thing; these guys may be spectacular “in the field.” But seduction has a shelf life. In time, a girl in a relationship is going to see the seducer as a regular person. And when this causes the seducer to lose his leverage, his ego will get bruised, she will complain and get moody, he will become pouty and frustrated, the relationship will become stagnate, and ultimately, he will pursue other women for a new taste of validation and power.
(If you ever wondered what happened to Neil Strauss, this is it. The drama was so bad in the end he chose unilateral disarmament.)
Yet unfortunately for Neil, there was another option: dominance. Because this is not a problem dominant men face. For them, the polarity is locked in; what you see is what you get. There is no illusion about the power dynamics; increased exposure won’t “fade away” anything. The fire may not burn as hot (it is hard for reality to match fantasy), but it burns longer and is far more stable.
The issue is that a dominant mindset takes time to build if you lack it. It occurs subconsciously; you can’t fake it. Social conditioning is stacked against men, and most women (wrongly) see submissiveness as weak and shameful. So understand: if this is the path you want to take, you’re going to have a lot of uphill work ahead of you — far more than just learning some game. This is the deep mental work that will take years to shift. It’s like turning a cargo freighter, not a jet ski.
(Though there is one way to speed it up: Get coaching to break down your limiting beliefs.)
But when you get there?
You may not get women quite as fast as the seducer, but screening will be much easier… and when you do choose to get into a relationship you’re going to have a much better dynamic.
Indeed, these are the kind of relationships that maintain healthy levels of passion for years to come.
So, as you can see both seduction and dominance have their pros and cons.
But fortunately, you don’t have to choose which to pursue — at least not fully.
In fact, you shouldn’t.
Seduction And Dominance Together: The Deadliest Combination
Just because two things are different, it does not mean they fully conflict with each other. Seduction and Dominance may differ in approach, but they are not only compatible; they magnify each other.
This is because Seduction and Dominance target different areas of the brain.
Dominance, for instance, is a hindbrain function. We are pack animals and we respond to certain social status signals, whether our conscious mind wants us to or not. This is why women *cannot* help but be turned on by alpha males; it is wired deep into them.
Seduction is different, however: it deals with your cognitive and emotional brain. It refers to one’s ability to read (and mold) someone’s desires, showing them you can fulfill them, and deflecting arguments that might stop you.
This is why almost all the time, seducers are the masters of emotional intelligence, creative storytelling, and wordplay. They are in essence talented, usually intuitive communicators. Like artists, they are able to synthesize what they feel a person wants and know exactly what to say to them to make them let down their guard.
Dominant individuals, on the other hand, often by nature lack this finesse. They are masters of frame control, boundary setting and mental composure. Their asset isn’t communicating but making a woman feel safe and provided for. Women are “at ease” around dominant men, both sexually and emotionally, because their lizard brain (which dictates anxiety) is having its needs met.
(An aside: This is another reason seducers talk constantly about dealing with “tests” — they experience more of them than dominant men because “tests” arise from a woman’s hindbrain.)
So if you can combine the hindbrain’s “leadership” criteria with the emotional brain’s fantasies, you’ve hit the jackpot. You have successfully triggered attraction in all parts of a woman and utterly defused her cognitive dissonance. She is now putty in your hands.
A great example of someone who mastered all of this? Not surprisingly, Don Juan de Marco himself:
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Don Juan, like Trudeau, knows how to read a situation so his words have maximum impact. But he is not only “reading” the girl and saying the right things to charm her, he is dominating her at the same time. With penetrating eye contact, he explains to her not only what she feels but what she should feel. It is a powerful form of what is effectively hypnosis… and it is far smoother than anything Trump has done.
Few people who have achieved this level of integration.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
Seduction or Dominance: Where Are You Strongest?
Everybody has one area they are strongest in. Depending on your personality, you will likely find yourself most at home in either seduction or dominance.
Personally, I am a seducer by nature. Yes, it took some years for this to fully “come out,” but looking back reading people’s emotions, creating rationales, clever wordplay and the like were always my strong suits. It was my confidence which was lacking so I didn’t express it as I should have. Once I took care of that, my seduction bloomed.
Dominance, on the other hand, was (is) something I’ve had to work on. I read people’s emotions too easily and occasionally take them too seriously as a result. Indecisiveness has also something I’ve regularly indulged it. I’m no push over, but compared to seduction, dominance is definitely my weak spot.
It will likely be the same with you. You will have gifts in one area and struggles in the other. Generally, the more “smooth” a guy is the less “strong” he is, and vice-versa. Guys with poor verbal IQ tend to compensate by being tougher.
There might even be some connection to it with your personalty type.
Regardless, it’s all good.
The key is knowing your weak area and mitigating it. You don’t need to dominate (heh) both areas to have massive success with women, you just need to master one and make sure the other is above average — that it doesn’t drag you down.
But in order to do that, you need to know where to begin.
How To Increase Your Seductiveness and Dominance
I don’t want you to overthink this too much as any sort of preselection can be leveraged towards either seduction or dominance, but some definitely lend themselves more to one over the other.
For instance, take physique.
If your goal is seduction, you’re going to want to focus on aesthetics. Think “male model” level of definition and body fat. You’re also going to want to make sure your look is polished stylistically like a model as well. The key here is to captivate her attention and imagination.
If your goal was dominance on the other hand, the approach is simple: size.
You want to be as big and muscular as possible. Think beards over clean-shaven. Your attire can even be simple. The goal is to make her physically feel small around you to bring out her own submissiveness.
(A good comparison of Seductive and Dominant Physiques? Game of Thrones’ Oberyn Martell vs The Mountain)
The distinctions continue when it comes to Persona. A dominant man is going to respond to women more directly, he’ll explain his answers less; overall he’ll be more gruff — he doesn’t need to speak, and she needs to follow him not vice-versa. A seductive man, meanwhile, will attempt to meet a woman where she is emotionally, mirror her body language and statements, listen carefully and empathize, flirt, and smirk mischievously throughout the interaction.
Again, if you are weak in one of these areas, it will do you well to focus on the other. If you’re low body fat and defined but relatively small, bulk up. If you’re used to speaking directly and not explaining yourself but struggle connecting to women emotionally, start flirting more and paying attention to her body language. Add a little seductiveness to the mix.
The more you can bring to the table the better.
Seduction and dominance both have their roles, and based on the environment / your natural strengths one might be more suitable than the other.
But truly, the more you can build up of both, the better.
There’s a funny thing about attraction: the more complex you are, the more attractive you are.
Mystery is appealing, plain and simple.
So to be as attractive as possible, defy as many stereotypes as possible.
It’s only when a girl can’t peg you that she really wants to get to know you.
A man who is both dominant and seductive is not just attractive on the face, but confusing… since few guys are like that. It magnifies everything else he brings to the table.
So figure out your strengths. Perfect them. And then get working on your weaknesses.
Till next time,