SHOULD MEN CRY?
Unlike many in the modern age, I am not one that thinks men are better off now that emoting has become encouraged.
A man’s self-respect and a man’s fortitude come from taking tough times under the chin, and ruling their emotions… not letting their emotions rule them. The lack of this stoicism in modern man is a major reason men have fallen behind in the world and found themselves struggling in their relationships with women.
Yet it is one thing to be emotionally indulgent, and another to allow feelings to pass through you and exit.
Lets take a step back and assess our goal.
What we want is strong, resilient men.
These traits are what make men confident, and they are what attracts women.
Therefore, the question we must ask is simple:
Does crying take away from that? Is a man weaker when he cries? Or is that criticism simply a bullshit macho construct?
Should Men Cry Ever? Or Is There Never A Good Time?
Many self-proclaimed “masculine men” shame other men when they cry, as they adhere to the notion that “real men keep it locked up.”
Yet I wonder if these so-called “masculine men” would feel the same way if they were in battle and saw their friend’s head blown off.
When you make assumptions about what is “right,” you must always question those assumptions. Not only are many things we “know to be true” hypocritical and internally incoherent, but they are passed down to us by those who wish to control our minds.
So take a step back and assess.
Is the soldier that storms an enemy’s position, kills scores of his opponent, earns a medal for his valor, yet afterwards cries both over what he has done and over the friends he has lost a weak man?
No man – especially no man who had never been in conflict – would ever dare to claim such a thing. No man would even so much as question his right to cry.
So what does that say about men crying? Is it ok if you’re a soldier, but not ok elsewhere? Is it weak to cry at your mother’s funeral? What about a stranger’s? What about at a movie? Is that “allowed,” or do only “pussies” do that?
Where is it ok to draw the line?
What Is The Purpose Of Crying?
Those who claim that men are weak for crying do not understand the nature of crying and what it exists for.
Crying is how your body processes emotional pain.
Guys who “don’t cry” as a result are often filled with numerous blockages that keep their minds busy and angry. They “close off” to the world and possibilities because all the pain from whatever – death, betrayal, divorce – control their minds and actions.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with channeling anger towards higher action. But there is also nothing wrong with letting some of that anger go. You can keep the determination that tends to come after loss while releasing the psychological damage that comes with it.
For most people, pain only makes it harder for them to do the things they want… and for everybody it makes the process of accomplishment less enjoyable.
Choosing to live with and suppress pain is like choosing to go to the gym with an injury you can fix.
It’s typical “tough guy” attitude that is actually just plain stupid.
If something is hurting me emotionally, I know I always feel better and stronger after I cry about it.
So I do. I let it all out.
I am not ashamed of it, and men who seek to control my actions by telling me that’s a “beta male” move can suck my long hard you-know-what.
Crying vs Whining
Crying is healthy for men. Crying helps men to process loss, release pain, and come out stronger.
Crying is not the same as whining.
Many men take the trope of “crying is healthy” too far and live in a life of self-pity and misery. They cry about how terrible things are and refuse to accept reality. They spend their lives looking to others for sympathy and wallow in their failure and inability to control themselves.
Crying is a stage of grief to go through, but it is not and never should be a state of mind.
Men who cry to process emotions come out of their crying stronger. It is a step towards moving on and healing.
Men who cry because they pity themselves and want others to “make it go away” are not cryers, they are whiners. These men reveal their mental weakness and will never find peace.
Can you see the difference?
I will not tell a man how much or when he should cry. Every man is different and has different needs and triggers. All I expect is that he is using that crying to move forward – not to live in and regret the past.
Should Men Cry In Public?
As we have established, it is ok for men to cry, provided they are using crying as a tool to release pain and move forward.
Historically, however, while men have not necessarily been told to never cry, they have always been told “don’t ever let them see you cry.”
I understand the arguments for this, as a man should always try to project strength. If he has weaknesses to process, better to not let them be seen.
Personally, however, I do not care.
I come out of crying feeling stronger. Indeed, many times when I cry I laugh, as I do not take my crying seriously (it is a release valve, nothing more).
If other people want to judge me for that, they can do so. What I care about is feeling better and stronger, not their opinion.
If I can avoid crying in front of people, I will do it, but if not oh well.
I do not like carrying pain around with me.
Emotional pain scorches my soul and consumes my mind. It takes me out of the moment.
Better to be present in my body and emotions and move on.
I find conversations about masculinity interesting, because many men – in their attempt to show their masculinity – ironically end up losing the frame. They signal so much to each other how tough they are that they subcommunicate neediness and approval-seeking.
Tell me, is it masculine to follow what other guys do because you want them to have a good opinion of you? Or is that what a little sheep does?
A free man lives a life without shame or guilt, and does what is best for him. While he may learn from stronger, more masculine men, ultimately he must choose his own path.
Figure out what works for you.
If you want to cry, cry. Do not let any man control you and tell you it is weak.
We all go through seasons of life, and some of them require emotional release.
The trap is not in allowing tears, but in succumbing to them.
Let them out. And grow stronger from there.
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