There is one thing all men that have “top tier” women have in common.

It’s not looks.

It’s not wealth.

It’s not even talent.

You guessed it…

It’s ambition.

Women are by their fundamental nature drawn to men who seek to rise above other men.

This is an uncomfortable truth that most people do not want to discuss. Indeed, many women will invariably dismiss it and may even take offense by it.

Yet they are either lying or do not know on a deep level what motivates them.

In the same way that men are lambasted for being superficial towards women’s looks, women are “superficial” towards men based on their drive to achieve greatness.

I do not say this with any sense of resentment, as it is what it is. Human nature is complex and there are many variables that go into attraction besides this.

But you cannot ignore the incredibly seductive power of ambition on a woman unless you’re willing to disregard one of the strongest drivers of attraction between the sexes.

Yet why is it so powerful? What is it about ambition that is so attractive to a woman?

Ask yourself: What would a woman in a primitive environment want?

Our world today is very different than it used to be tens of thousands of years ago.

Our wiring, however, is not.

In our early years as a species, women depended upon men who could protect and provide for them and their offspring. This meant that they selected men (aka found themselves attracted to men) who would be best at doing this.

Obviously, men with resources already were top candidates. But given the constantly shifting nature of male hierarchies, they knew that a man who had resources but lacked the mindset to keep them would soon not have them (and in that time period, probably didn’t).


In other words, the man with a coconut might be worth cozying up to today, but the man who has the drive and knowledge to get coconuts in the future is the real keeper – he’s the one who’s going to be attractive down the road. Women feel comfort from a man’s resources, but what makes her desire him is his desire to accumulate them. It’s his ambitious attitude, not his current acquisitions that make him the prize.

Incidentally, this is why guys who have directed their ambition towards a cause that doesn’t produce much income at the moment will still get girls. Girls are drawn to that passion to make your dream a reality. They like that you’re in the arena: you want to fight, you want to win – because that says one day you’ll be something.

By the same logic, success without ambition (i.e., you inherited your money/position or somehow lost that ambition) is better than nothing, but in many ways makes your dating life worse off than if you were ambitious and penniless. Sure, if you’re rich you will have attractive girls floating around – but they will not be attracted to you, they will just want the piece of the pie.

(Note: This is why rich guys who don’t understand women always get swindled by golddiggers or find themselves in relationships with women who clearly have contempt for them. Their scarcity mindset towards women puts them on a pedestal, and women will only ever use that position to take advantage of them.)

So while riches might be a decent “short cut” for a girl to determine the romantic value of a male (after all – if he’s got the resources, it’s a good sign he’s ambitious enough to get them), they are not what really drives a woman’s desire. Indeed, while a woman might prefer a strong, established man – she might also bet on a young, ambitious man who could one day be in control. She might decide to hitch her wagon to a man rising through the ranks, and reap the rewards of being with him when he got to the top.


The Takeaway is Clear: Women are always looking to tie themselves to a winner – present or future.

These motivations are often not conscious, but they exist – in spite of the ironic fact that women can be and often are more successful today than the men around them. Indeed, it’s a fact with big implications.

Put your ear to the pavement, and you’ll hear much ado these days about two trends:

One, how women are rapidly outpacing men in education and in the workforce.

Two, how men and women are not getting into relationships, and how many successful women are single well into their late 30s and 40s, unable to find the “love” they are searching for.

These two trends are deeply connected.

Some have noted, with complaint, that there are many available men for these women; they are simply less successful. Women will have to “lower their standards,” they argue, if they seek to have mates.

Perhaps this will happen in time, but I doubt it. There will be some exceptions, of course, but these will not change the overall trajectory of the dating market.

Just as few men will marry a woman they are viscerally unattracted to physically (especially in the age of hookup culture and virtual sex through porn), few women will persuade themselves to trade-down for lower-status men they can’t muster any desire for.

Instead, what will happen is what is currently happening: high-status men will date as many attractive, successful women as they want, while these women try – most of them futilely – to tie these men down.

This dynamic exists in most major cities already, and it will only spread as the economic paths of men and women diverge.

(Note that I am condoning any of this. I think this is problematic not only on a personal but societal level, and if I could create a world where this wasn’t the case, I would. But it is the reality.)

Women care about success in their men; they care about it so much most would rather risk being single than settle for a guy who looks like he will never obtain it.

Success, of course, is subjective. Financial success matters, but a man can achieve great social status without financial success and still be considered a “success.” Moreover, the objective level of this success isn’t the real question: what is most relevant is a man’s level of success relative to the woman.

So what does this mean for you?

As women increasingly dominate the economy and outstrip men in education and employment, women will become more picky. This will create a winner-take-all dating marketplace where most men and women will be losers, while a handful of men – the most ambitious – will have unheard of numbers of women beating down their doors.

Ambition was always a good trait for a man to have, but in the 21st century it’s pretty much an essential one if you have any hopes of having real choice and quality in your dating life.

But what happens if you haven’t been ambitious so far? Don’t worry – chances are it’s not too late.

Young men have a big advantage when it comes to success: They’re not expected to have achieved it yet. 

Understand: When you are a young man you get a pass. If you are under 22, life is one big party – and chances are your ambition won’t even matter at all. No one cares, they just want to get drunk, hook up, and “live life.” It’s only after college that things begin to change.

Still, even then, so long as you are under 35, you do not need to have the wallet of Mark Zuckerberg or the reputation of Drake to get the attention of girls. All you need is drive. Women are going to be attracted to what they think you will become.

(Tip: If you are a young guy under 22 and take your ambition seriously, you will lose out in the short term… but you will make out BIG in your mid to late 20s when most other guys are just starting out. Time is money – and like money, the earlier you invest it, the bigger your returns.)


But once you start reaching your early to mid 30s, if the seeds of your ambition haven’t started to bear fruit, girls (and people in general) will start to discredit you as a “dreamer” – or worse – a “loser.” This doesn’t mean that you should give up on yourself, but understand most people will. Your time is running out, and you will have to move fast.

Given these realities, if you want to succeed with women, ambition is non-negotiable.

If you want to annoy me, come tell me you have no dreams, don’t work, don’t focus on self-improvement, and are frustrated with your dating life and want some tips.

(Read: The Real Obesity Epidemic)

If this is you, you do not need help with your game – you need your entire life overhauled. Your existence and attitude is repulsive to women, and that is why girls won’t give you the time of day.

This has always been the case, but the fact that women don’t need men anymore makes what’s expected of you even more acute today.

We live in the age of FOMO. We are always being compared by women to the men around us. If we do not at least give off the impression of potential success, women are going to look elsewhere and go after the men who do – even if there are not enough of them to go around. It may seem hard to believe, but most will prefer being alone or even in a high-status man’s haram to dating down.

The truth sucks, but you can’t escape it.

If you do not have ambition, you will get left behind. And if you want a girl, you will have to settle.

So my friends, that’s the “stick.”

The “carrot” is that, sadly, in this generation of men, ambition – or at least ambition that is acted upon – is a rare thing.

Which means that if you do have ambition and you do ultimately succeed, you will clean up.

Don’t forget. We all start somewhere.

I am no genius. I am not brilliant. I have struggled long and hard against self-destructive tendencies and limiting beliefs; indeed, many of them I have only been overcoming recently. I have won some battles, but war is nowhere close to being won.

(Read: How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits)

I am not a success – not yet, at least.

But I have rock solid confidence that I will be.

My ambition is a slave-driver. I cannot ignore it – even if it leaves for a few hours, it always comes back with a vengeance.

For me, being better, achieving more is a way of life.

And every girl who has fallen for me in my life – including my wife – has fallen for that more than anything else. Because passion and ambition in a man is intoxicating.

So don’t be complacent. Find something you care about, plan your empire, and act.

Or forgo a truly phenomenal dating life. It’s your choice.

– Pat