Ahh, phone numbers. One of the most talked about things in the world of dating and relationships.

Getting a girl’s number – or in Pick Up parlance, “number closing” – is such an important stage that many men view it as a milestone as significant as kissing or sleeping with a girl.

Well, is it?

Sorry, not to me.

Although, I can see why guys make it out to be a bigger thing than it should be.

Guys are, generally, a quantitatively inclined bunch. They want to have something tangible to measure their progress with women. And unlike subjective assessments like “we had a good conversation” or “she laughed a lot at my jokes,” getting a girl’s number appears to be a solid barometer of a girl’s interest.

There’s only one problem with it:

Most girls will give out their number even if they have no intention of seeing you again.

Girls are good people by and large. And even though it may not be the best thing to do – giving us false hope – if we ask for a girl’s number, most girls would prefer to give us it and blow us off later rather than shoot us down on the spot (especially around other people).

Annoying, right?


But the thing is, most of the time it’s not really the girl’s fault.

Let me ask you:

Why do you even want to get a girl’s number in the first place?

Generally, the answer is some variation of “Because I want to see her again.”

This is good. This is the point of getting a girl’s number to begin with.

The number is simply a way for you to continue your conversation with the girl.

The problem is most guys forget it when they’re actually talking to the girl!

Most guys become so fixated on getting a girl’s number when they’re talking to the girl, they forget to actually make the girl want to talk to them again.

It’s a classic case of winning the battle but losing the war.

(and it’s also the classic “infield Pick Up Artist number-close video,” which show a lot of guys getting numbers from attractive girls who never respond to them)

When guys shift the priorities of the interaction to the wrong thing, they may get the girl’s number but will lose the girl in the process.

Obviously, this is not what you want to do.

So, how to avoid this?

Follow these four simple tips:

Tip #1: Don’t Be A Salesman

Fast-talking pick up approaches get quick results on the surface because they make you into a salesman. But smooth salesmanship does a better job of keeping a girl on her toes than of getting any actual investment from her.

In other words, if you’re smooth and fast you can throw a girl off balance and get her number in the heat of the moment.

But what happens later once she comes back down to earth?

Think of those guys who approach you with sob stories about how something’s happened to them and they need money to get home or whatever. They talk very fast, they’re very convincing – they may even have documents – and the whole time you’re confused about what to do. You don’t have time to process anything. Do you give them money or not?

In that moment, because what they’re saying sounds reasonable, whether or not you give them money, part of you feels like maybe you should have.

Fast forward a few minutes, however, and you realize the whole thing was just an act. After the “hard selling” is over and your brain has a chance to think, the emotions you felt in that moment dissipate. You realize it was all bullshit.

That’s what happens with the standard “salesman” pick up approach. A lot of fast-talking, escalation, and wittiness, but not a lot genuine connection or trustworthiness. And consequently, not a lot of responses.

So what should you do instead?

Slow things down.

Fast-talking stops a girl from thinking, which is opposite of what you want to do to get a girl attracted to you.

Instead, what you want to create with a girl is tension.

Slowing things down creates that tension. It creates that little bit of awkwardness that makes her feel butterflies. It makes her think: “what’s the story with this guy?” She’s nervous, but you’re smirking, confident, calm and composed. What gives?

These are exactly the kind of emotions you want to bring out in a girl, because they make her think the following things about you:

You are self-assured.

You are mysterious.

You are comfortable with sexual tension.

And most importantly:

You are different from 90% of other guys.

Most guys would rather lie about the truth of how they feel than experience awkwardness. But the truth is that the ability to handle the awkwardness of expressing attraction is one of the biggest things that makes a man attractive in the first place.

Girls don’t want to be sold on you. They want to feel something from you.

Even if you mess this up at first, and awkwardly stumble, it’s ok. That bravery is in itself worth a lot to a girl – they are more forgiving than we give them credit – plus, practice makes perfect. Slow down your interaction with girls, bask a bit in the tension, and watch your ability to get a girl’s number as well as get her to respond to your texts soar.

Tip #2: Make A Connection

Slowing down the interaction is a great way to make yourself stand out to a girl. But if you don’t also make a connection with her, there’s a good chance she’s just going to come away from the whole interaction confused, or even creeped out.

Don’t forget:

Attraction is a dance.

Sexual tension’s all well and good, but if she doesn’t feel like she bonded with you, you’re toast.

So how do you go about creating that bond?

Start up a conversation and get to know her.

(hint: a great way to begin one is to make an assumption about her)

Most conversations guys start up with girls are boring. Assumptions, however, make them interesting. If you get your assumption right, you’re a mind reader; if you get it wrong, it’s an easy, fun way to segue into a conversation.

Assumptions are also fantastic because they not only do they show off creativity, they show off awareness.

And newsflash: guys are notorious among women for not being aware.

One of the biggest complaints girls have about their boyfriends is that they doesn’t notice the work the girls put into themselves. New dresses, new hairstyles, new jewelry, even new “bodies” (after diet/exercise) are all things that guys inevitably overlook on a regular basis.

And it pisses girls off.

Girls like to be noticed. And more than that, girls like to be noticed in a unique way.

Assumptions do that. They don’t just a tell a girl she’s “hot.”

They tell her, under the surface, that she’s interesting. And don’t forget: when you make her feel interesting, you make yourself look interesting.

Conversations that follow from this can usually go on as long as you like. Jokes about things in the environment, personal stories, and just light-hearted playfulness are all good ways to increase the sense of connection.

There’s only one thing you have to remember after you’ve established a good connection…

Tip #3: Strike While The Iron Is Hot

Look, I know this is tough. But don’t get carried away once the connecting and vibing starts to happens.

I know… when she’s laughing, smiling, and flirtatiously playing with her hair… we want more.

And more.

And more.

But little by little, as we continue the conversation for 15, 20, 30 minutes, those feelings about you which were all amazing and exciting at the beginning start to transform into one or all of the following three things:

1) This is good, but we’re running out of things to talk about and I’m starting to get bored
2) I had places to go, things to do, and even though this guys cool I need to get moving
3) I like this guy a lot, but when is he going to ask for my number? Is he just toying with me or what?

This is the classic case of too much of a good thing.

Unless you’re trying to sleep with a girl right then and there, your goal is to get a girl’s number as easily and smoothly as possible and get out of there.

In general, five to ten or twelve minutes is the best time frame, but it will depend on your individual interactions. You don’t want it to be too short because the connection won’t have time to become established, but let it go for too long and you’ll start to get diminishing returns.

Remember: Continuing the conversation is the most important thing.

Don’t make her think you guys have run out of things to talk about. A good rule of thumb is to ask for a girl’s number when the interaction’s “good emotional feelings” are peaking. And then ideally to also be the one to excuse yourself – not her.

In other words, don’t overdo it, and be the one to end it on a good note.

I know you can push the interaction to last longer, especially if the conversation is going well. And I know of many guys who have met a girl, talked to her for hours, and had amazing second dates and so on with her. So I know you don’t have to get out of there early.

All I’m saying is that unless circumstances require it, there’s not a lot of benefit from doing it.

If you leave with a girl’s number when the connection is just getting exciting, she’ll remember you as that guy who was charming, interesting, but had a life that was more important than her, which is exactly what a girl wants, especially in the “courtship” phase.

Leave her wanting more, and not only will it be effortless to get her number, but there’s an extremely high chance she’ll respond positively to your texts. Hell, she might even be the one to text you! You never know.

Tip #4: Be Assertive

Ok, so you’ve created a bit of tension, you’ve established a connection, and you’re at the high point of the interaction ready to get her number. What else do you do?

Interestingly enough, don’t “ask for it.”

Simply demand it.

No, not like an asshole. There’s nothing about “give me your number… or else!” that turns a girl on. Under no circumstances threaten her.

Just say some variation of the following:

“Hey, it was great talking to you, but I’ve got to run. Give me your number – I’d love to continue this another time.”

You see that assertion right there? It’s not a request; it’s a very, smooth demand that he assumes will be met with agreement.

Any variation of this works.

Some bold guys plug the end of it with a invitation for a date.

Other ones let their indirect “text game” do some work for a bit and plug the date later.

Either way, though, the point is simple:

Assume she’ll give you her number, and tell her to put it in your phone.

Not only do 99% of girls “comply” with your “request,” but nearly as many also love it.

It’s smooth. It shows leadership. Boldness. Assertiveness.

But even more than all of that, it sets the tone that you’re both expected to be in touch in the future.

If you ask a girl for her number, unfortunately it often comes across as begging or pleading, which is a killer for attraction. So just take the lead and assume she’s willing to give you it.

Don’t worry, if the conversation has gone well, she’ll expect you to go for her number. And “asking” for a girl’s number as if it is a natural progression will show off your “social superpowers,” and make her more excited than ever to hear from you again.


Getting a girl’s number doesn’t have to be difficult. You should be able to get it easily and effortlessly, and never have to worry about her flaking.

And now you won’t have to.

Once I got this stuff handled, literally 100% of girls responded to my texts, and nearly as many ended up going on dates with me.

The flip side, of course, is that if an interaction didn’t feel good – if I didn’t feel a connection – I didn’t even ask for her number.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Remember: Getting a girl’s number is just a means of continuing your conversation with her. There’s no reason to continue a conversation you didn’t enjoy to begin with.

Dating success is measured by the quality of the girls you date, not the number of unresponsive numbers in your phone you accumulate.

These tips are good for the former, not the latter. I hope they serve your goals. Now go out there and get a girl’s number!

– Pat

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