The other weekend I ran into a guy at a club I know but hadn’t seen in awhile. He was dancing with a girl but soon after I caught his attention the girl slipped away. Curious, I asked him who she was.

“Oh, she’s just some slut. Fuck that girl.”

It was a response that was particularly strange given that she was in no way acting slutty or self-demeaning. Indeed, in the few words I had exchanged with her she seemed perfectly friendly and nice. Yet I’ve heard guys talk like this so many times in the past I could hardly be surprised.

Girls are frequently called “sluts,” “bitches,” “crazy” and other derogatory terms if they don’t act exactly how us guys want them to. Women understandably get upset about this, and there are a million posts across the internet about male misogyny and how guys need to stop shaming women, lest they be shamed themselves.

No disagreement here that guys need to stop saying these kind of things. Not only is it incredibly disrespectful but the guy who says it looks like he hasn’t got a clue. It’s lose-lose. But the door swings both ways. What about girls who call guys “assholes,” “douchebags,” “creepy” and all other kinds of dehumanizing things when guys don’t act how they want? Are those women misandrists (man-haters)? Should they be shamed?

Maybe, but I’ll leave the shaming to other corners of the internet. Shame is not going to fix the problem. In fact, it’ll probably make it worse. Because at the core of all this real or imagined misogyny and misandry is one thing:


Guys who call girls sluts are frustrated with girls. Often it’s sexual and emotional in nature – they’re not getting laid, girls are rejecting them, they feel emasculated – but even when they have plenty of options they may be completely dissatisfied with what they’re getting.

Girls who address guys assholes are just as frustrated themselves. They’re frustrated they’re not getting more attention, they have to take the lead, they’re not being romanced like in the movies. And even if they are getting attention from men, it’s not the attention they want.

So much frustration going around.

But in general frustration is not necessarily a bad thing. There’s nothing wrong with being frustrated with someone – or even being frustrated with your dating life in general – so long as it drives change and improvement.

The issue occurs when frustration becomes a state of being. When it leads to generalizations like “sluts” and “assholes.” When men and women, rather than acknowledging each other as fellow human beings, start to label each other as “the other;” when instead of anticipating the best from them they suspect the worst.

This is because of a little known truth: When you start generalizing the opposite sex as bad, your options with the opposite sex will become bad.

Let me explain.

There are two laws of attraction. The first one is that you attract what you believe.

Call it the manifestation of Rhonda Byrne’s dead-horse “The Secret,” call it “Confirmation Bias,” call it simply “you called that:” everything in life you think is true will become more true for you over time. If you think things are going to be bad, over the long term they will probably be bad. If you think they’re going to be peachy, you will probably find yourself in Georgia. If you think all men are assholes and women are sluts, all men that you’ll date and interact with will probably be assholes, and all women you do the same with will be sluts.

This is just a fact of reality. Or rather your reality.

Because you’re not actually changing the world. You’re just changing your world. Not all men will actually be assholes. Just the ones in your life. Because your thought and/or behavior is attracting them while repelling the good ones.

Hard to believe, right? Sorry buster, it’s true.

For all the pain and suffering in the dating world right now, people are still getting into great relationships and having amazing romances. For all the guys out there who think “all girls are bitches,” there are an equal number of guys who have tons of high quality girl friends who’d do anything for them and as many relationship options as they could possibly want.

High quality girls won’t spend time with guys who consider women to be “bitches” and “sluts.” And neither will high quality guys with girls who think guys are pigs. Why would anybody want to be with someone who automatically presumes the worst of them?

They wouldn’t. Nobody would. It’s a no brainer.

And just in case you’re thinking “well I’d never say that to their face,” don’t worry. It will, if not at the beginning, soon enough come out how you feel. Maybe not overtly, but subconsciously you will make your lack of empathy for and understanding of the opposite sex known.  And it will repel them.

Because at the heart of frustration is selfishness. A victimhood rationality. “They are not giving me what I want, so I’m going to get bitter and resentful.” Better to be alone than the one at fault, right?

Oh boy. If you thought I’ve been harsh so far, I’m just getting started.

The second law of attraction is you attract what you are.

So if in your reality all girls are sluts, you’re probably an asshole. If all guys are pigs, you’re probably a bitch.

Sorry for being the one to break the news.

This is hard for people who aren’t having success in their dating life to accept. It was certainly hard for me to when I was deep into my Pick Up Artist phase and all the women I attracted we’re manipulative and pathological liars. But then again, with all the games I was using to attract women, I was also pretty manipulative and deceitful. And the girls that weren’t immediately saw through what I was doing and separated themselves from me.

Which of course left me with two cohorts: 1) girls that played the same game as me, and 2) girls that had such little self-esteem they didn’t mind being disrespected by me.

Pretty easy to see how my opinion of girls could have gotten low.

Fortunately, a lot of the behaviors that led me to attracting these types of girls weren’t learned that long before, so it didn’t take me “too long” (read: over two years) to realize that they weren’t serving me. Growing up I had a great relationship with women – my mom and my sisters and I are extremely close – so I never had an easy time thinking of women as the “enemy.” Getting rid of my act was if anything a relief; a reversion back to what felt right.

But other guys and girls aren’t so lucky. They’ve had a lot more negative experiences with the opposite sex going way back into their life that have made them particularly bitter. I feel for them. Emotional wounds are not easy to get rid of.

But at the end of the day, do you want results or do you want to stay a victim?

It’s not an easy choice to make, but if you want high-quality options in your dating life you’ve got to move past your frustration. You need to stop negatively stereotyping the opposite sex, calling them “assholes” and “sluts.”

You need to start appreciating them.

Appreciation is the antidote to frustration.

Frustration says “I’m not getting enough.” Appreciation says “You are enough.”

Frustration says “You’re flawed.” Appreciation says “You’re magnificent.”

There is always something to appreciate.  How much they laugh.  How much they’re driven.  Find it and latch onto it.  Grow it.  Appreciation will cure your attitude. And it will cure your dating life. Because nothing is more attractive than being appreciated by someone.

Women definitely don’t get it enough from men. And men certainly don’t get it enough from women. If you do it to them, you’ll have high-quality options flocking to you.

Remember what a wise person once said: What you appreciate, appreciates. I want your dating options to appreciate. So do you. So remind yourself regularly how amazing the opposite sex is, even when it’s tough. Appreciate them.  Trust me, they’ll notice. And soon enough, you’ll start seeing the good half of them that’s been hiding from you all these years.

Thanks for reading this article. I appreciate all of you.

Now go out and appreciate each other. You’ll appreciate it.


PS This isn’t just essential while you’re dating. If you’re in a relationship, keep the appreciation up, especially with your partner. I guarantee a good time 🙂