This tweet on “Chad2Dad” getting divorced by his Filipino wife went viral the other day:
First things first… I don’t know “Chad2Dad.” Before this I’d never heard of him. But without piling on his misery, from what I’ve seen so far, this guy absolutely deserves what he’s getting.
And I’m not just saying that because he sounds like a baby — locking himself in the basement while his wife and kids celebrate Christmas upstairs, and crying on camera for random people.
He deserves it because it’s clear that he is absolutely CLUELESS when it comes to women, yet still talks himself up like he is some kind of master.
Who calls themselves “Chad2Dad” when his mail-order bride leaves him almost to the day when she legally no long needs him for a green card?
I know, I know… there’s more to the story. I’ve seen her video updates. She’s leaving him because she wants to go back to the Philippines to visit, but he won’t let her because he’s afraid she won’t come home. He booked her a trip for her family, and then cancelled it the same day because he said she wasn’t grateful enough. He’s been playing with her emotions and her family’s, and she can’t do anything about it because he has all the money. She feels helpless.
I hate to sound like one of the women in her comments, but he actually does sound manipulative and abusive. There’s no question he’s using his wealth as a way to control her. But it’s not just wealth — he uses guilt too. He doesn’t act like a strong man. He’s emotionally needy and cruel (like so many “nice guys” when they actually get some power), and I can totally understand why she’d want to leave him.
But I also don’t want any of you to be naive. She may want to visit the Philippines because she’s homesick, but she’s NOT giving up her US residency. And I guarantee you the timing of when she decided to leave him took this into consideration.
Also, callous as it may sound, it’s hard for me to care about how he manipulates her with money, considering money was a key part of her decision to marry him in the first place. I understand this girl didn’t come from the bottom rungs of the Philippines, but middle class there is still broke compared to USA. It’s clear she married him for one reason: because she wanted a better material life for her and her family. I don’t see any indications that she ever loved him. She may have been doing her duty, being a housewife, having sex as he asked. But her heart isn’t his, and he knows it. Indeed, he hates her for it.
But the point of all this email is not to rag on some random internet personality. It’s to help you understand the “passport bros” mindset of “international dating arbitrage,” and determine whether or not it can really save your love life.
And unfortunately, my contention — even if you’re not as much of a clown as “Chad2Dad” — is that by and large the answer is no. It’s a dream they’re selling.
I say “by and large” because it is TRUE that non-anglosphere women tend to have more traditional, feminine backgrounds and behavior. And better yet, they’re often more put together, thin, and attractive.
In other words, their argument isn’t for nothing. There’s a reason so many guys have decided to end up with foreign women.
In fact, full disclosure — I am one of those guys. I wasn’t trying to be, but I met my wife at a wedding in Poland I attended randomly with a friend, and it just kind of happened that way!
So you might think I’m somewhat hypocritical for saying “it’s not all it’s cracked up to be” — especially since my marriage is phenomenal and we’re firing on all cylinders.
(Indeed: my wife not only supported me financially in the early lean years of this business, she supported me without any drama the year I was in prison for January 6th. And she never gave me any grief about all the hardships and costs of fighting the federal government).
But what I think guys don’t understand about my wife is that she’s not a “fresh off the boat” village trad-wife. When I met her she was already living in London, and had traded her Polish accent for quasi-English one. And although she had the common-sense humility of a girl who grew up in the poverty of communism / early post-communism, and was raised with good values, she was hardly sheltered from secularism. She went to the West because she was exposed to Western culture through television and romanticized it — she wanted to experience it herself. She went to a University in the United Kingdom, and by the time we were dating she was working as a project manager at an international airline. She wasn’t a naive or sheltered girl; before I met her she had lived elsewhere in Europe and traveled a lot.
The point is that my wife is in many ways a Western woman. She went to a western university, she partied at bars and clubs in her early 20s, and like a good “independent woman,” she had a job and paid her own way.
Many of her female friends in Poland are not like this. They still live in their small home-city, they work part-time jobs that pay little, mostly depending on their husbands. They’ve hardly ever traveled outside the country. They barely speak English. In their day-to-day, they are much more parochial and “trad”.
And yet knowing these women, I am almost certain that few to NONE of them would have stuck by and supported me like my wife did. Indeed, I think a lot of them would have been completely destroyed and ruined if they had gone West.
There are a few reasons for this. While a woman’s devotion to you is paramount in her sticking around, personal strength and character also matters. And my wife is a brave woman. It took courage to leave Poland at the age of 18 with nothing to her name, and it took faith to decide to move to America at the age of 25 and get married to a guy she had just fallen in love with, and frankly barely knew. Not every woman would be willing to put herself out there like this. Maybe I’m biased, but I think this sort of resilience and trust is something every guy should screen for with a woman. It doesn’t just lend itself to a romantic dynamic or make them dependable in hard times — it makes them resistant to nonsense.
Which brings me to the more relevant reason for our discussion here: a major part of our success is that my wife was already INOCULATED to the worst of Western culture. Anglo degeneracy wasn’t something exotic or appealing to her. By the time we got together, she had already tasted and rejected the superficialities of western dating, she had been exposed to feminism and was unimpressed by it, and she knew what it was like to live in the glamour of a big international city. I’m sure part of her thought, given all the American TV she had watched as a kid, that it would be cool to actually live in NYC — it was a welcome change in scenery. But it wasn’t a big change in culture, and it wasn’t to her economic advantage either. She made the same money as me in the UK, and moving would cost her her job. It was in many ways a step backwards, or at least a step into uncertainty.
In other words, the only thing that persuaded my wife to leave her happy life and all her friends was me. There was deep personal attraction, not some desire to attain wealth or status.
I don’t see these variables in so many of these “passport bro” dynamics with international women. The women are at a massive differential in value (economically and status-speaking), and they are culturally naive. They are like so many of the women we still know in Poland, who do they right things and act the right way because of where they’ve been planted, but would probably act like opportunistic, branch-swinging sluts if they were placed in a western environment with endless options and low-behavioral expectations. These are not innocent little good girls. They just haven’t had the opportunity to be bad. And the media and the many fallen western women around would be happy to teach them.
(Just look at the comments under “Chad2Dad”’s wife video to see what I mean. They are telling her that her life is at risk, and she should take him for everything he’s got!)
Which is why I really want men to understand that while you can get a lot of good women abroad, and I know both from personal and client experience that the dating aspect overseas does have a lot more sexual polarity and healthy social dynamics — you still need to be VERY careful about taking a woman to the west who has been sheltered from western culture.
Sheltered women are untested women, and western propaganda is nuclear grade manipulation for the female ego. Hot women with weak minds and big ambitions are going to fall prey to it.
But a woman who has common sense and has seen the scam for what it is — even if only in part — is good raw material for a girlfriend. I say in part, because if a girl likes you, all you need is the door opened a crack. She’ll follow you the rest of the way if you lead. But it’s hard to lead her if her main goals in life are to collect superficialities and attention.
Which is why I always emphasize to clients that although a woman’s past matters, what matters much more is WHAT DIRECTION SHE IS FACING.
Perfectly innocent women are great, but don’t pretend you’ve controlled all the risk because she’s made no mistakes. She may have less baggage, but are you sure what’s in her heart?
Even the strongest man can’t make a girl who has bad motives and ideas good. But even if she isn’t impure, just simple, and has only a role-based understanding of being a woman — you are still vulnerable to bad behavior, because this woman lacks individuation. She is going to be easily programmed and influenced by outside forces.
Which means you really only have two options with foreign girls:
- Get any girl, but stay in her home country, and hope the culture remains strong enough to keep her behaving well
- Pick a spiritually awake woman whose values are of her own choosing, so she will be resistant to bad programming wherever you take her
To me it’s a no brainer that #2 is the better option. You still have some risk in #1, and I personally think less conscious relationships aren’t all that appealing anyway.
But here’s the thing about the second option…
You can pick a solid domestic girl by using the exact same criteria.
So maybe you prefer foreign girls for whatever reason — looks, novelty. That’s fine.
But don’t fall into the fantasy that “foreign girls will save your dating life.”
They won’t.
If you want a hot and healthy relationship with a woman, you need to know how to attract her PERSONALLY — regardless of where she comes from. And you need to know how to pick her properly.
I know this stresses some guys out. The attraction part is a challenge enough, but the discernment — the sorting of the bad girls from the good — is an even greater problem. It gives guys a lot of anxiety not knowing if the girl they’re committing to is going to later betray them.
Which is why you might want to consider working with me.
There are a lot of coaches who will teach you the basics of attraction. It’s almost generic information at this point.
But there are very few who can parse a woman’s character and intentions, and even fewer who understand how the game you use determines the women you get.
Most simply generalize, and resort to data points to make decisions, which is frankly an amateur, unreliable way of judging. It’s better than nothing of course, but you’ll still lose a lot of good girls and get plenty of bad if this is the only way you can assess a woman. It also encourages guys to think in binaries — “if a woman has/did X she’s a keeper, if she has/did Y she’s for the streets” — which creates pedestals for the women who meet the superficial criteria (a VERY dangerous and fatal form of blindspot).
But the worst part about it is that you don’t have any true understanding about the woman you’re considering choosing. You don’t really know her. You’re just hoping what you see on the surface corresponds to what’s underneath.
A lot of fear-driven marketers in this space somewhat grasp the perils of this lack of deeper understanding of a woman. But they come to the wrong conclusion: you can’t trust any of them!
I’m sorry, but this is just an admission that they aren’t that impressive at what they do. They don’t know how to read subcommunication or intentions.
But I do.
And I don’t simply tell you who a woman is, and what’s going on in a situation, I show you.
So that one day you’re an expert yourself, and can tell me those magic words I love hearing from clients:
“I don’t need to work with you anymore.”
