There are some subjects you are just not supposed to talk about when it comes to attraction.

Discussion of techniques is expected. The need to calibrate your behavior based on context, encouraged. The role of intuition, begrudgingly acknowledged — though not much understood. Most people assume, to the extent “intuition” in an interaction with a woman is real, that it is simply a product of unconscious mastery.

And to some degree, it is. There is no question that if you approach hundreds — certainly thousands — of women, that you will begin to have an instinct for what to say and do even if you don’t know the particular girl. Your behavior becomes programmed in.

But with some rare women our game is just different. We seem smoother. More bold. She responds better. Everything just flows: it’s easy.

It’s so easy, that even a guy who has no game seems to get it right. He might suck with women generally, but he somehow manages to be decent with her. And she is just a bit more gracious with him. Something about him is intriguing. Something about her is so captivating, that he does something he never does — asks her out. Often to her own surprise, she says yes.

We call this magical, inexplicable dynamic chemistry. It’s a sign there is something special about two people. They just click.

Nobody can deny chemistry exists. It’s like saying love isn’t real — you just sound like a bitter clown, because so many people have direct experience with it. So these doubters do the best they can to diminish it: they explain it away as a product of its properties. 

“The subjective experience of ‘chemistry’ is simply the result of various pheromones and hormones being released. There is some biological compatibility between you and the other person to reproduce and this is why you are drawn together”

I might take these sort of explanations more seriously if chemistry only occurred between sexually attracted couples. But as everybody knows, a similar phenomenon occurs with friendships. This is of course without the sexual element. Yet homosexual couples can also have non-platonic chemistry. And we know that they aren’t exactly meant to reproduce. So what exactly is going on?

People will play dumb, because they don’t like the implications of what I’m about to say. It means a whole new perspective of looking at things must be considered. The simple routines of “how to get a girl instantly attracted” seem marginal, even deceitful in comparison.

But I will say it, because it is pointless to deny the truth that is staring us in the face. We have soul connections with other people. And with some of these individuals, along with these connections are “contracts.” This means, we were meant to meet, and were meant to do and explore certain things together. We have a predetermined role to play in each others’ lives.

This “predetermination” acts like air support when it comes to the attempt to attract a particular woman. You can present yourself terribly to her, but she nevertheless keeps an open mind about you. Even if you can’t get there with her at first, you have the leeway to take time to improve — when it matters, she’s somehow available. If you get together, yet break up prematurely, somehow you run into each other again, and are sufficiently jaded with others to want to get back together again.

It’s not just because some machine-like element of our DNA said you and her must have babies that you have done this. Maybe that is also in the picture. I think in most cases it at least overlaps. We definitely find some people more sexually appealing than others and vice vera, and not only due to looks. Women each smell differently; a few are great, many are decent, others unappealing. If you’ve had one night stands fueled by alcohol, you’ve probably had at least one of these “bad” ones. If you were sober you probably wouldn’t have gone through with it.

Chemistry is different, it is greater, than this. It is a sense of destiny; a sense of knowing and being known by a person.

This doesn’t mean you are necessarily meant to be with this person forever. The “mission” the two of you have might be temporary, for a certain season of your life. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t fail the mission. If you get addicted to drugs or can’t stop cheating, you might lose such a woman, no matter how much she wanted it all to work out.

Just because something is predetermined it doesn’t mean you don’t have free will to avoid it or mess it up. Read that sentence again, and internalize the paradox. It’s a mind bending concept — but it’s true. You come into this world with a divine plan, but once you are here, you have the prerogative to change it.

But will you really? If you are driving down the highway, at any given moment you can swerve the steering wheel into oncoming traffic. Nobody is stopping you… except some invisible force. No, you are supposed to get home today. You won’t run off the road.

It is this same impulse that makes you accept her back, despite how much of a mess she is. You “want” to move on — you tell yourself. But there is something about her. You haven’t learned yet what she was meant to teach you. So you give it another shot.

It is different with her.

It’s not just the emotional or attachment pattern the two of you have. Many women have that same pattern. But only she can expose it to you, and force you to grapple with it.

One of my gifts as a coach has been the ability for me to see these contracts. It is I suppose a type of clairvoyance. I can see when a client and a woman he is with have some karma to work out. I know they will continue seeing each other until he learns the lesson. I can tell if they are fated to ultimately part, if they are meant to be together, and the bridge cases — where their primary objective is the lesson, but there is an option to stay together if she makes the jump with him.

If I were accepting clients, I might pitch my coaching now. But I’m not.

(Though you *can* get the masterclass here, and that is your best bet in getting access to my teachings at this point)

So instead I will simply say this:

If you have this kind of chemistry with a woman, and she keeps coming up in your life, do not take it for granted. These synchronicities are signs. Explore it. Explore her.

And if despite the attraction, there is some dysfunction between the two of you, rather than project the problem solely onto her, ask yourself what she is revealing about your own behavior.

This is the gift she offers to you, and it is why she is in your life. Your attraction towards each other is the catalyst that forces you to grow to the next level.

Until next time,