This will probably be an exceptionally controversial email. But I want to open the door on this subject, because I find the commentary on female sexuality for the most regurgitated and unconsidered in this corner of the internet.
First, let’s take a few well established observations and lay them out:
- women are extremely aroused by romance stories and erotic hypnosis
- women go through more profound sexual seasons than men (both micro through her menstrual cycle; and macro being stage of life), being more horny during some, less horny during others
- women generally need to be “warmed up” to be in the mood for sex
Then let’s take two competing observations (not necessarily mutually exclusive, but somewhat contradictory):
- Women are turned on by competition (dread); the more women a man can get, the more women will want him
- Women are turned on by intimacy; the more connected she feels towards you, the more she will want to sleep with you
We’ll return to analyzing this in a moment, but before that let’s contrast this with male sexuality.
Men are certainly stimulated by story and imagination like women, but it’s FAR less relevant. A woman being somewhat decent looking is usually enough. Moreover, male horniness to a large extent isn’t even dependent on outside stimuli: it simply builds up in a man. The younger he is and higher his testosterone, the more horny he is.
In other words, men are innately horny, and external stimuli are more about directing and channeling that inborn energy.
It does not appear to be as much the same with women.
This doesn’t mean that women don’t get naturally horny, but for MOST women it is not a daily or automatic phenomenon. Many women may not experience any innate drive at all, except during ovulation.
Moreover, for the women who ARE horny on a regular basis, it’s usually a product of having a VIVID IMAGINATION.
In other words, high sex-drive women direct their thinking towards sex, and thinking about sex gets them horny.
Now, you might say… “But Pat, how do you know these women weren’t horny first, and then they started thinking about sex because they were horny?” It is indeed to an extent a chicken-egg question, but we’re guided to the correct inference because of how much feelings contribute to female arousal compared to men. This is further corroborated by the fact that many women (especially when they are busy) experience low sexual drive.
I discussed this before, and mentioned the role stress plays in diminishing a woman’s interest in sex — the feminine needs space to relax and luxuriate. But a corollary of this is that relaxation and “boredom” are required because they give space for a woman to begin thinking about sex. It’s in this “idle” state that fucking comes into her mind. Again, confirming female sexuality is predominantly mental.
No, I am not saying that women NEVER get aroused by simple physical contact, or that some women don’t have higher sex drives than others. Women are sexually complicated; I could leave it at that.
My objective here is simply to make a general point that men have a more innate sexual impulse, while women’s arousal is more driven by thought and emotion; with the horniest women having the dirtiest thoughts.
So with that all said… why does this matter?
Sure, it provides you with a degree of understanding about female sexuality, both how to stimulate it, and why how a woman feels towards you is so relevant to her desire to sleep with you.
But actually the main purpose of this is deeper.
Because if a woman’s sex drive is so linked to her thoughts and feelings…
That means to a large extent, a woman’s horniness is a choice.
I know. I said this email would be controversial for a reason.
But I’m doing all this deductive bullshit because both men (and you female lurkers) may gain something very valuable from it.
Sexually confident women interestingly have a fairly consistent desire for sex. Their cycle may influence things a bit, but even this they own. They might enjoy sex with one man more than another, but its not like their drive is dependent on him. They think about sex, they want sex, and regardless of the man they choose, they make sex a priority.
Yet many woman don’t understand their sexuality. They are unconscious to their own sexual urges, and may not even feel much most of the time. Some man might trigger her desire, and then all of a sudden they want it. He gets them thinking about sex. But then once the excitement subsides, or her stage of life changes, the desire fades.
The guy takes it personally, but often it’s not personal. She doesn’t understand it as much as him.
That doesn’t stop him from trying to fix things, though. And he might make some progress with techniques or strategies. Maybe he gets into better shape, becomes a bit more socially impressive, starts to take stress off her plate. Most likely, sex will improve from all of this.
But will it become that honeymoon phase sex that existed when she was unconscious to it all? Generally, this only happens in relationships when the woman either a) realizes she’s been suppressing her own sexuality and decides affirmatively she wants to explore it (she becomes that “sexually confident woman”), or b) when the relationship is on the line and she starts to face herself, because she needs to start taking sex seriously.
The former is self-evidently a choice, but what is interesting about the latter scenario is that these women aren’t just “going through the motions.” They are madonnas who don’t associate themselves with sex. Yet when they realize, ‘crap, my man is going to leave me or love me less if I don’t start having more sex,’ it isn’t usually a chore for them. They tend to get into it. It’s almost as if they decide, “Ok, I’m going to be sexual. This can be part of my identity too.”
The overall conclusions of this are both a white pill and a black pill for those of you who are wondering about how to stimulate your own sex life.
The white pill is that the biggest barriers for women being sexually wild are generally psychological. And while the environment you’ve created for her matters in getting her to think about sex, ultimately being sexual is up to her. Which means any girl can tap into that “whore” side and come to love sex and want it all the time.
The black pill, however, is the same — a woman’s sex drive depends on how much she decides to want sex. So while your relationship dynamic matters, ultimately it is up to her to make that choice.
Which means you are not in control. There is only so much you can do to “act upon” a woman and try to trigger this impulse, and the longer you are with her, the less this kind of artifice matters. She needs to choose to be a woman who fucks. She needs to decide to allow herself to be horny and think about sex.
And the truth is many women — particularly the best ones — are terrified of this power. They are terrified of just how deep and dark their sexuality can go. They are especially terrified about it when they have young children, when they like to think of themselves first and foremost as mothers. They don’t want to be the girl who daydreams about fucking. They don’t want to associate themselves with the whore.
But the whore is a key element in them, and the healthiest women are always in touch with it, though they channel it constructively.
So given this, what can you do?
Ultimately, the choice is not yours. You can only take a woman to the extent that she voluntarily surrenders herself up to you. A woman has to give her pussy to you for it to be yours.
But what you can do is make that choice easier for her to make.
That means being a man attractive both in physique and bearing, and being a man she can trust fully and completely.
So that when you present the choice to her, she can make it knowing that being a “sex goddess” is part and parcel with her getting the love she craves from the man she desires.
And if you want to learn how to become this man?
The good news is I cover it in detail in my masterclass, with videos specifically focused on sex and intimacy.
You can buy here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/