Interesting thread from Nash about a dating guru the other day:
Full disclosure: I’m not familiar with any of Zan’s work, though I have heard of him before. His book The Alabaster Girl was recommended to me years back by a very artistic PUA, but I never ended up picking up.
What Nash says above about Zan is pretty much what I’d expect though, given what I know about a few of his adherents. His style of approaching is extremely intuitive — he feels through women before he makes a move.
As Nash indicates, there are pros and cons to this. Suffice to say I agree with him wholeheartedly and won’t waste time rehashing it.
But there is one thing I do want to add.
While I think it is nearly universal that guys need to “throw themselves into the fire” when it comes to approaching, simply to learn to manage the tension and internalize cues and reactions…
I can also tell you that for intuitive types of guys, doing this kind of cold approaching regularly is almost impossible to maintain.
Not because they can’t handle the tension, but because these guys develop a kind of pre-cognition about interactions that makes them disconnected from women they do not feel a “vibe” with.
Which means that cold approaches are nearly always flops, not simply due to the lack of indicators from the woman, but because the guys lack the will to even emotionally invest in the interaction.
I know some might call this a convenient excuse. And in practice there are usually elements of “self-rationalization” that creep in with beginners, even when the guy is intuitive.
But the fact is intuitive guys are hypersensitive to energy and cues. They can tell when a woman isn’t game and when they won’t mesh with them. Trying to attract a girl who doesn’t give off the right vibe feels forced and it puts them in their head. They lose their natural advantage in the process.
In contrast, when these guys are put in front of girls they DO feel a vibe with… they crush it. They flow naturally and can completely and totally capture the girl.
It’s also worth adding — while I can’t speak for Zan — that official IOIs (indicators of interest) are only part of what makes a particular girl seem worth approaching. Maybe she has a certain flow or style to her, and you resonate with it.
Which means you WANT to approach her. Your genuine desire and curiosity is there, and it shines through in the approach. You can’t fake it — which is really the theme when it comes to intuitive guys and dating.
One last thing to wrap this up.
Mentioned in the thread is “Beginners don’t know how to read women. The only way he learns is by engaging with them — practice.”
This is 100% true. But how much practice does one guy need vs another?
In my experience, intuitive guys learn how to read women VERY quickly. They can extract more insight from a handful of approaches than “closed off” guys can from months of drilling. The flip side is that these “closed off” guys manage tension a bit better, and learn other lessons from “plowing through” interactions.
Different approaches, which leads to different separate paths to mastery.
The real thing here is knowing what kind of guy you are, and what sort of dating style works best for you.
If you’re intuitive, doing ice cold approaches as your bread and butter is probably going to drain you more than it amps you up. A better strategy may be finding yourself a spot that resonates with you and “opening” girls that enter there.
All this said, the fundamental point remains…
There is NO getting around the fact that you will have to talk to girls if you want to get better with them.
Even the most intuitive guys can’t sit on the sidelines and expect to get results. They can be MORE selective when it comes to approaches… but simply observing won’t cut it.
Because even if you “know” exactly what’s going on in a situation with a girl… you won’t *emotionally* know it, and be able to respond in an attractive, effective way unless you have experienced it.
Anyway, you’re an intuitive guy, and you want help meeting women in a way that resonates with you…
AND you are ready to take action…
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application