Common misconception we’ll be addressing today:
What exactly is going on when a girl shows interest off the bat — with minimal to no “game” on your end — but then when you follow up, she disappears?
Guys learning to attract women are obviously anxious to get signals from them. And so understandably assume that when a woman approaches them — it’s a done deal. She wants him, and its his to lose.
Many of these guys are thus confused and frustrated when very often the girl flakes, or is less than responsive.
What gives? The girl was interested, right, so why would she play games?
Well, in fact there are a couple of reasons for this. And it’s not always games, or even illogical.
But let’s first acknowledge the cases where this is true.
Immature, anxious girls will often do things like this simply to capture your attention. If you think a girl is into you, you’ll pursue her — it’s clear cut validation. However due to her anxiety she’s not prepared for anything more. So, you waste your time and energy just to make her feel good.
You can generally screen out these girls because while they’ll make an advance, they pull back quickly after you try to move things forward. If this happens, cut your losses and ignore her, even if she tries to get your attention back later.
So that leaves two other common scenarios why this happens.
The next one is that the girl was only in it for a “situational hook up” and you didn’t get the memo.
I’ve spoken of this before, but it’s a very important thing to internalize as a guy. Just because a woman is interested in you that night, at that place — it doesn’t mean she’ll be interested in you tomorrow. This is especially true when alcohol or other substances are involved.
This is a normal experience for attractive guys who know how to create desire, but are “fuck boys” and don’t create connection. A girl will think you’re “fun for the situation,” will maybe make out or do more, and then never respond to you again.
However, this also happens to regular guys who are just in the “right place, right time.” The girl is out of a break up, hasn’t had sex in a while, whatever the reason… and you’re there to be used for her purposes.
(Note: A lot of advanced “game” is about searching for these girls, as they are easy hook ups — no time wasted on difficult leads)
How to gauge if your girl is one of these? She will go after you aggressively and flirts heavily. Physical escalation happens FAST.
Do NOT make the mistake of being timid with these women. The only way you get a “long term” play with these girls is if you rock her world that night. Maybe then she’ll consider you an option if she’s feeling lonely in the future. Even still, don’t get your hopes up. Enjoy it for what it is.
Which leaves the final type of scenario.
When the girl genuinely thinks you’re cute, and likes you… so she makes a move, gives you some signals…
But gets SELF-CONSCIOUS because she made the first move, and doesn’t want to seem easy.
So she pulls back, and plays extra hard-to-get… so that she can go back to being the feminine girl who lets you lead.
Unfortunately, these girls often go a little overboard with their “pull back.” Their self-protection can wreck interactions as a result.
You can tell this is the kind of situation you’re dealing with when the girl’s overture towards you is more subtle and less aggressive than the others. She starts the interaction, and might even go so far as to say you’re cute. But she won’t get physically aggressive.
You’re best bet with these girls is to lay the comfort on heavy. Remember she approached you — the desire is already there. DON’T make her feel self-conscious about it. Don’t overgame her with the cockiness you’d use on a girl you had to open yourself. Compliments work well here. Make her feel valuable, and that she made a good decision being vulnerable.
Anyway, enough for today.
If you find the above nuances valuable, you’ll love my masterclass.
Because Module 4 goes into all of these “dating details” and contingencies in depth for nearly 3 hours.
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Buy it here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page