Was asked something on one of my shows the other week I thought worth expanding upon.

Basically — this girl (who had a boyfriend) was flirting with this guy, complaining about her boyfriend, and making insinuations that this guy might be a “better option” for her.

I advised that this was bait, and that you want to stay away from these women. They’re looking for drama, and are trash for talking about their boyfriends like that in front of you, when you’re not even close.

But what was interesting was one of the things that this girl said when she was flirting:

“You’re such a player, you’re such a bad boy, I can’t trust you”

I had heard similar sort of banter from the “loose girls” who hanged around the expat community in Buenos Aires. The only difference was I really was trying to “play up” they player card at that time of my life (pro-tip: don’t do this, it’s very amateur, and will get you less girls, and lower quality).

Or was there really much of a difference?

I was getting better with women at that stage of my life, but I was still years off from hitting my stride — hence why part of me “enjoyed” this sort of “compliment.”

In truth, what was happening was a low level — you guessed it — Girl Game.

These girls were trying to “play up” that I was a desirable guy who “got all the girls.” But why would a woman do this?

Three reasons:

1. Standard shit test. How will this guy handle it? Will he act attractive, or be a nice guy?

2. He seems like a good target to the women and they want the guy to want them — hence their targeting of his ego, so he invests more in them

3. They want the guy to ACT like a player, because they like guys who play them… this encourages the guy to fit into that role

Only problem with this kind of game?

It’s trashy.

And sub-communicates a lot about the types of relationships the girl has.

Moreover — it’s bait for chumps. The girls who usually do these things are golddiggers — they want to capture the “beta” who struggles with women and craves feeling “alpha,” as he’s vulnerable to her affirmations.

What to do?

Well, couple of tactical options are certainly available. Disagree and amplify (“what do you mean? I’m a virgin”)… followed by giving her less attention.

But the real issue here isn’t tactical.

It’s changing the need the guy has for VALIDATION.

Because if her calling you a player means nothing to you, or even disgusts you…

You’re not going to get played by one of these girls.

How to break that pattern of validation-seeking?

You need to find out where it comes from internally.

Not just the “general idea” (kids were mean to me, I got dumped, etc)

The DEEPER belief structure.

And the best way to break that structure and rebuild it is with a coach.

A coach who understands “the game” inside and out. And who can navigate your inner and outer worlds.

Dare-I-say a coach like me.

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat