A subscriber writes in:

I have a bit of a luxury or somewhat unusual problem.

I can’t get rid of a girl.

She is 25 and actually good looking (though I strongly assume she already has quite a history with guys). Well, she is chasing me, she loves me. Since 2,5 years already.

I told her multiple times indirectly and directly that I don’t want a relationship with her. I don’t give her and her messages much attention but that doesn’t set her off either. I even feel bad because I somewhat misuse her (I ignore, I am sometimes even mean to her).

When she has vacation, she visits me (I usually finally agree after I indirectly tell her that I don’t like this idea, sometimes adding that she should look for another guy – it won’t make her change her plan). I think it is not good for her to sleep with me. She wastes her time with me. But she doesn’t understand.

I don’t get it why she doesn’t accept it. I don’t know what the purpose of that behaviour is. I would really like to know what is going in her mind. If you have some thoughts/answers on that – highly appreciated.


I always love it when my favorite topics make an appearance.

This behavior, strange as it may seem, is in fact very common with women.

Because it’s the nature of Girl Game.

I recommend you read the article I just linked to for the full scoop on the phenomenon.

But, a few other things to keep in mind in this situation:

This girl might appear to “love” my subscriber, however, this is mostly an illusion. She is in love with her fantasy of him. And what she wants is this fantasy to love her.

Why would a girl do such a thing, you might ask?

Well, everybody fantasizes to an extent early on… particularly women. You might even say that most of what we think of as “desire” is just fantasies. Early on, the lack of knowledge about “the other” tends to facilitate the fantasy… after time, when you learn who they actually are… the mystery decline… as does the fantasy.

(This is the “end of the honeymoon period” in a nutshell — people’s fantasies dissolving into reality)

But the reason this girl is chasing so much is because she has anxious attachment. She has fears of being ignored or abandoned. This is certainly a habit for her throughout her life, probably formed from her relationship with her parents. She only “loves” those she doesn’t have.

Which is why my reader would be very very foolish to decide to commit to this girl.

There would be a powerful romantic experience that would last about a week.

Which would thereafter rapidly decline, until within half a year (probably less) she would be looking for another guy to chase.

I don’t want there to be any understatement when I say this.

These girls are extremely emotional damaged, and you want to stay away from them at all costs.

Indeed, they are in fact quite dangerous to be around.

Since they make the guy they are chasing feel like he is amazing. They feed his ego.

And our egos are blindspots that can get us into some serious trouble.

I know my reader thinks that he’s in the power position with this woman. But things can change VERY quickly.

If he’s serious about not wanting to be with her, he needs to cut her off hard.

He needs better boundaries.

Because right now from my angle? It seems like he kinda likes the attention.

At any rate, I don’t mean to single him out. He’s FAR from alone.

But it just underlines the need most of you have from coaching… even if you don’t realize it.

It’s the things you MISS that kill you with women.

The “unknown unknowns.”

Except to me they’re not so unknown. Because I’ve been doing this shit for over a decade, and understand not only how women… but MEN work.

Which means there’s a very, very high chance I understand the dark parts of your own mind better than you do.

Scary, right?

Well not if you work with me.

Because then I’ll share all that dark, dangerous stuff with you.

Elevate both your situational *and* self-awareness.

And make it so you don’t need me or anyone like me in the future.

Because the truth is this…If you understand yourself, and you understand women…

And you ACT on these understandings…

You won’t EVER struggle romantically again.

In fact, you will be SHOCKED by the leg up you’ll have over the competition.

Imagine always knowing what is going on in a situation, and exactly how to turn it to your favor? To know what a girl is thinking… before she even knows she’s thinking it?

Anyway, I know not all of you will listen.

Some will take the cheap (read: hard) way. The way of procrastinators and the mediocre.

Rather than get a definitive advantage like all top performers.

Oh well, such are most people’s lives.

For those ready to be different, though…

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat