A reader writes in:
Ive been talking to this girl for the past 5 months. We got pretty close made out a few times. In the last month we had a few arguments and now she wants nothing to do with me. She says im a bad person and she was wrong about me but when i question her on this she comes out with silly reasons.
This girl is giving me a lot of bitchiness/attitude
I gave her a bit back
Then i told her she’s gone have to speak to me with respect otherwise im not going to speak to her
She said she doesn’t care
Im planning on ignoring her now?
Could i have dealt with this situation better?
Unfortunately for this dear reader, yes he could.
And his mistake is one too many guys make.
But first let’s zoom out to the big picture. Cause there are a couple of things that could be done better here.
The first concerns frame.
And the truth is with frame… if you have to demand something from her, you are almost certainly in the weaker position with her.
This means NEVER make threats you do not feel 100% certain you will keep.
If you say “next time you do this I’m walking out the door.”
YOU MUST WALK.
Because if you don’t… your reputation is shit, your word means nothing, and she knows she can walk over you whenever you want.
Now, that said… this doesn’t mean you SHOULD be taking things that far.
Most issues with a woman come down to her moods, they’re not “real things” unless you make them real.
I tweeted out something the other day concerning this (@Pat_Stedman for those who aren’t following).
You win arguments with women by NOT arguing with them.
Silence and laughter are the best tools to deal with any issues you have with women.
In contrast, arguing and demands are next to USELESS.
They subcommunicate to her that you are upset by what’s she’s done and don’t have control of yourself.
That tells her that she can control YOU.
And that means you’re just not worth being with.
Now, to circle back to this specific situation…
I’d ask my reader why he took her being “pissed at him” so seriously?
Why not laugh and joke around with her?
Unless this guy did something very wrong to her… there is no way in the long term, if he’s just being warm and friendly when he sees her, that she is not going to come around.
Worst case scenario he has to say “what’s going on with you [Sarah] I thought we were friends” or call her out on her energy.
But making a big deal about it?
This is emotional reactivity and it’s what GIRLS do. Not men.
Though don’t misunderstand me.
I’m not picking on this guy… because what he did I’ve done… as well as a solid 90% (99%?) of the guys on this list.
It’s very easy for men today to make this errors.
To express themselves aggressively or vent… hoping to persuade a girl or “set boundaries”… only to ruin potential relationships.
And then what do they do?
Contact me, of course, and ask me to fix it.
Well, sometimes I can.
I have a knack for finding the precise words and energy to recover the advantage in even the most difficult situations.
But we gotta be real here, gentlemen.
Tactics are wonderful… but strategy is better.
Knowing how to operate with women… developing the mindset and awareness that makes sure the dynamics are stacked in your favor… and then using the tactics to convert…
Well, these are the things I not only help “advise” guys with.
But teach them.
So a few months later, they don’t need me… or anybody… to help them with women ever again.
It’s a permanent solution to their problems with women.
But I know, I know.
Not for many of you.
It’s much more fun to fall for marketing trick after marketing trick, teaching you this “new killer technique”… rather than internalize the fundamentals so you can move onto more important things in life.
Worrying about women is, FUN — right?
Well… if you’ve decided you’ve had enough of the “fun”… apply here: www.patstedman.com/application