I talk a lot about the importance of strategy over tactics. As in, not focusing on short-term actions that undermine the broader goal.

Some examples?

– Trying to get a girl when the very act of pursuit undermines your frame
– Gaming a girl who is not a good fit for your broader relationship goals
– Orienting yourself in bed as a pleaser which gives her control over your validation

But an area I don’t talk about it a lot is in relationships.

And I should… because though the dynamic might change, the rules are the same.

One way you can lose the forest through the trees? Picking fights whenever something happens. Most annoyances in relationships are noise; minor situational things that only become big when brought to life.

But you need to learn to distinguish, because sometimes the dumb thing to do is avoid a conversation.

Relationships collapse for two reasons: too much communication, and too little.

If you’re always talking about “what’s wrong” then a) that’s the vibe that will consume the relationship and b) you will begin to see the relationship as work, not play.

But don’t talk at all and you’ll find little to nothing change.

So fight.

Or rather, talk… but be prepared for it to turn into a fight. And don’t let that prospect freak you out.

Fights sucks, but so long as it’s not rancorous you can get a lot out of them.

The fact is nobody likes tension with their loved ones. It draws attention and energy away from other things.

But that’s as much a feature as a bug when it comes to addressing something serious.

Fights FORCE people to consider issues. They are often part and parcel with building awareness.

Because building awareness isn’t easy.

It’s usually directly oppositional to the ego.


Don’t belabor points that have been made before. Don’t rehash old issues over and over.

But also don’t be afraid to communicate stuff the other party needs to know.

If they have an issue they are not aware of, MAKE them aware of it.

As consciousness deepens, so does the love.

And if you want some help doing this in your own relationship?

Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat

FYI – I only publish old emails on the website. To join the list and get the new, daily-ish ones, go here: www.patstedman.com/optin